Doom in the night…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s random dictionary words are: gazogene, gavial, gaum, gegenschein, garganey, and undine.
Please have these words looked up and placed in suitable sentences ready for Professor Mouldie first thing in the morning. If he happens to be wearing a flower in his hair you must not draw attention to it.

My bedside phone rang at 2.30 in the morning and woke me up. I picked it up and said, ‘Hello…’ There was no answer, but I heard the clink of a bottle and the sound of someone trying to get a cigarette lighter to spark. I was about to put the phone down when a slurred voice said, ‘Has the van arrived yet?…’
‘What?…’ I said.
‘The van… You know Dave, the Surrealist Van!…’
Then I recognised the voice, it was that of Simon Doom, poet from the glory days of the Hull Surrealist League. I said that he should straightway eff-off and let me sleep. He responded with, ‘Hey Dave, don’t be like that – have you got a pen and paper handy?… Are you ready for the visit of the Surrealist Van?…’
‘Bugger off!’ I said and put the phone down. He rang back instantly and said, ‘Write this down… I insist!’ and proceeded to tell me the contents of the van which travels those roads and byways which only exist inside his stupid head…

A large carton of chocolate worms.
2 brown paper sacks of artificial air.
The wing mirror off a 1956 Morris Minor.
One of Woody Allen’s old toothbrushes.
The smell of a large wooden letter M captured in a glass jar.
Half a barrel of mixed blue and black Biro end-stops.
Two upside down grand pianos.
A thin wooden stick tied in a knot.
A thermometer with no markings on it.
A bank vault filled with onions.
A pair of trousers made entirely from mouse traps.
3 boxes of curved pencils.
A piece of the True Cross in a cheese and pickle sandwich.
A white plastic bag full of framed Liberace photographs.
A strawberry inside a hard-boiled egg.
An old Guinness bottle with rustling undergrowth inside.
A grey old man in tweeds tapping his foot.
Tom Cruise’s autograph inside a gaudy matchbox.
$10,000 in small bills nailed to a polished table top.
A hardback copy of Margaret Thatcher’s autobiography with a bolt through it.
A photograph of Ganymede in a box of ebony and maple wood shavings.

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in art, brain, conversation, cool, dreaming, existentialism, Grumpiness, humour, information, mind, surrealism, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s