Opening my new purchase…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s architectural term is ‘cathedra’ – The bishop’s chair or throne in his cathedral church, originally placed behind the high altar in the centre of the curved wall of the apse. I have a nice old cathedra, on its own plinth, in my home, I sit in it, wearing a special hat, to watch television in the evenings.

Oh damn! It’s happened again!
I just bought a new printer from the branch of Argos in town. It all looked normal enough, the sealed cardboard box was printed with the HP logo, there was a nice photo of the printer on the side, and it felt the right weight for a cheap printer. (Like other consumer hardware, printers do seem to be getting lighter these days don’t they?) So, I got it home, slit the top of the box open with the bread knife, and squeaked out the polystyrene packaging, but there was no sign of any Hewlett-Packard Deskjet 3520 in there! Instead there was a lower white slab of polystyrene packaging, but in its centre there was a cut-out in the shape of a perfect oval, or ellipse, about six or seven inches long. Closely fitting in the cut-out, (it looked like the cut-out had been especially made for it) was a large pink-grey shiny pebble! There were a few grains of seaside sand and a fragment of seaweed still clinging to its surface. ‘Oh damn!’ I thought, ‘It’s happened again!…’ I did phone up Argos to complain, but they said that this had recently been happening with all their printers, and there was nothing they could do, and then added in a sad voice, ‘That’s the way the world is these days sir…’
The last time I experienced this sort of thing was when I thought that I’d bought a Sony digital radio/alarm from Currys in Dulltown centre. Again the cardboard box seemed to be about the correct weight for such an item, but on unpacking it I discovered, in a sealed plastic bag, resting in a beaded polystyrene nest, a carefully knapped and polished flint axe head, from, I reckoned, about 3,000 BC. Not really having much use for such a thing, beautiful though it was, I straightway put it on eBay and eventually sold it for quite a lot of money, and whist I was on there I ordered myself the Sony digital radio/alarm that I needed. When that finally arrived in the post, and I opened its packaging, it turned out to be not the item that I had ordered, but a poached egg encapsulated in a cube of clear resin. I wasn’t too upset though, the poached egg does look very attractive, the yolk and white have kept their colour very well, and I have it on my knickknacks shelf to this day. I don’t know if I’ll try to sell the big pebble though… I mean, who’d want a pebble?…

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in archeology, architecture, brain, dreaming, existentialism, Grumpiness, history, humour, information, mind, puzzle, religion, serendipity, surrealism, TV, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s