Of pigs and dams…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s chandelier is the one with Countess Moronovna’s stolen diamond necklace hanging in it.

‘Excuse me, where can I find the pig stamps?’
‘Pig stamps?… Have you tried looking over by the penstocks?’
‘Penstocks? Like in a hydroelectric power station?’
‘Not exactly, but quite similar.’
‘What about the pig stamps though?…’
‘Are they to put on letters?’
‘Just a litter…’
‘A litter? Is it stationery?’
‘Of course, but I’m intrigued by the idea of penstocks, now you’ve mentioned them.’
‘They are quite ordinary penstocks you know, I don’t know why you would be…’
‘Big tubes carved through the living rock to convey the flow of…’
‘Well, I don’t think I’d be happy with the term ‘living rock’… That’s just silly!’
‘Just a finger of speech I suppose… not live, and move, and have its being, etc… No way hoe-say!’
‘Are they post office registered for sending normal letters then – a series in different denominations, with perhaps a different breed of pig on each of them?…’
‘Yes, you’ve got the idea now… Do you do the appropriate turbines to go with the penstocks?’
‘We do, but there’s been a rush on, and what with the recent wet weather, we are fresh out of them – not a single one left.’
‘Well, that’s a disappointment, what about married ones? Any of those left?…’
‘Hm… Did you want one pig stamp, or a book of six or twelve?’
‘When you did have the turbines in stock, what output were they?’
‘I’m not allowed to say.’
‘Why not?’
‘I don’t know. I don’t make the rules you know!’
‘The rules?’
‘Yes, they’re over in stationery, there, right by the penstocks.’
‘I think you are playing with me… messing with me… you keep returning to the penstocks, time, and time, again…’
‘No, no…’
‘Yes, yes… you must be on commission or something… By the way, you have a great head.’
‘You think so?’
‘Yes I do…’
‘A great head?… Oh, I get it! A great head of water – oh, you cheeky charmer!’
‘Yes I am… It’s not a litter really, it’s a packet. It’ll probably need weighing – it might need two stuck on it – perhaps two different colours and of course two different breeds…’
‘Yes, that’s right.’
‘Have you been to Niagara Falls?’
‘Oh, now you are talking! A very great head!’
‘Yes, I am… So have you been?’
‘No… Have you?’
‘Only on a ship, a ship in my head.’
‘A ship… in your head of water?’
‘Yes, exactly – it was marvellous! You should have seen the spume!’
‘Yes, I should have… spume… the spume sounds great! I wish I could…’
‘So, about these pig stamps then, have you ever Googled ‘the Empress of Blandings’?’
‘No, why?… Should I have?’
‘It was the name of the ship that I went to see the falls on…’
‘I thought that would have been the Maid of the Mist – but I’ll Google it as soon as I can…’
‘I like you.’
‘I like you too…’

Link 1.
Link 2.
Link 3.

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in brain, conversation, drama, dreaming, existentialism, humour, information, mind, story, style, surrealism, words and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s