Festive Stella…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s outside temperature is 281 degrees Kevin.

Christmas 2014 single photo‘David… what the hell’s that? I thought you didn’t do Christmas…’
‘Good morning Stella my dear. Yes, do come in. You can put your broomstick by the front door…’
‘Shut up you buffoon, and get the kettle on, I want tea, Taylors of Harrogate Yorkshire tea… a big mug of it… Now!…’
‘What biscuits have you got?’
‘No biscuits…’
‘What! No biscuits! You always have biscuits in for me!’
‘Well today I didn’t have time to go to the…’
‘And what’s all this Christmas nonsense? You’re an atheist David…’
‘It’s called a Christmas card Stella.’
‘No biscuits then?’
‘No, I do happen to have a pack of four Sainsbury’s chocolate muffins though…’
‘Oh, right… I suppose they’ll do. How’s that tea coming on?’
‘Well, you see, even though I try to avoid Christmas altogether, a few people do send me Christmas cards… some people have been sending them for…’
‘Ah, thank you… This isn’t the mug I usually have, it’s slightly smaller!’
‘I broke the other one.’
‘Yes, I threw it against the wall and smashed it, after your last visit.’
‘Crack open those buns then… It’s not a very nice card, is it?’
‘Isn’t it?’
‘No, it isn’t… I can see where you are coming from though…’
‘Can you my dear?’
‘Actually these buns are quite nice…’
‘Four for a pound.’
‘Really? That’s good value!… Yes, it’s a bit bleak isn’t it? You are not giving out much jolly festive cheer, are you David?’
‘Well, I suppose I…’
‘The box…’
‘What box Stella?’
‘I suppose it’s a ‘Christmas box’ David, and all the people are crammed in it – it’s Western civilisation, fencing off the rest of the miserable poor polluted world while we enjoy the ultimately worthless bright sparkling gewgaws and animated trinkets that capitalism produces for us – look at us, see how we lap it up, oblivious of the filth and suffering that is…’
“Animated trinkets’ Stella?’
‘Yes! Shut up!’
‘Yes, go ahead, do have a second bun, you great greedy gannet!’
‘Ha!… Hey!…’
‘You never send me a Christmas card!’
‘Well, I only send them to people who send me one, and you don’t send me one Stella my dear. Hey! I saw that!…’
‘You just slipped the one remaining bun into your bag…’
‘Did I?…’
‘Yes, you cheeky minx!… Another mug of tea?’
‘Don’t mind if I do David…’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
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