Let’s talk about house prices…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s heraldic term is ‘patty’ – of a cross, having triangular limbs which are wide at the ends and narrow at the centre.
When I was thinking of having a coat of arms I just couldn’t decide whether to have my cross patty, fleury, or bottony. (Crosses)

I was, whilst watching the TV news, thinking about the way people arrive at the prices they put on houses and flats that are for sale. The media and the politicians seem to be permanently obsessed with such things…
After giving the subject a little thought I have come up with a mathematical aid to help people judge how much a property is worth and what it might fetch on the market; I call it the ‘P.P.P I.’- it stands for ‘Poor People Proximity Index’ and the units of the index can be in either miles or kilometres, but the conversion between the two is pretty straightforward should you need to do it.
The theory of the P.P.P.I. goes like this: throughout the whole structure of society, people want to get away from those awful noisy rough people who have less money than they themselves have. This urge seems uniform throughout the whole range of wealth ownership. Even the multimillionaires don’t want to live next door to those brash jumped-up folk who are just millionaires, just as people at the other end of the scale who actually have jobs don’t want to live next door to those ghastly beer-swilling layabouts who haven’t…
As I mentioned earlier, the Poor People Proximity Index is measured in miles or kilometres. The higher the figure the further you are away from anyone poor enough to annoy you. A dwelling with a P.P.P.I of one mile will be a lot less expensive than one with a P.P.P.I of 10 miles.
People with far too much money, ex-prime ministers, media moguls, bankers, etc., will live in places with a P.P.P.I. of perhaps 50 miles or more, whereas in an intercity area with a high percentage of P.P. the houses or flats might have a P.P.P.I. as low as 0.oo1 miles or about a couple of yards… Perish the thought!…
So, what do you think of my index dear reader? Do you think it could become the standard yardstick for the housing market?…
‘Three bedroom semi-detached house for sale, large garden, garage, P.P.P.I. 2 miles, £750,000.’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in brain, dreaming, heraldry, humour, information, irony, jobs, money, observations, people, surrealism, thinking, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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