Stella has it in a nutshell…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s random dictionary words are: phyllomania, phylactery, photozincography, photonasty, physiolatry, and umbo.
Please have these words looked up and placed in suitable sentences ready for Professor Mouldie first thing after breakfast tomorrow morning. Should the professor attend wearing a Long John Silver pirate outfit you should not draw attention to this, or engage the parrot in conversation. (L.J.S.)

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERASheds. (1990) Charcoal and pencil on paper, about 24″ x 18″.

‘Hello Stella…What’s that on your head?’
‘Just shut up and let me in out of this howling wind! It’s like Key Largo out there!’
‘Key what?’
‘Look at them trees waving about… Humphrey Bogart 1948… Haven’t you seen it David?’
“Them’ trees?… No, I can’t recall the film… If you shift your arse Stella, I’ll be able to shut the front door… Thank you!’
‘Here David, you can hang up my coat and hat before you put the kettle on.’
‘I thought only children and teenage girls wore fake animal skin hats with sticking up ears… I’ve never seen a grown up wearing a…’
‘Just shut up and make me a large mug of Taylors of Harrogate Yorkshire Tea, and be quick about it, I’m parched!… What the hell’s this?…’
‘It’s called ‘Sheds’… I drew it back in…’
‘Bloody hell! It’s a bit dark isn’t it?’
‘What sort of biscuits do you want with your tea my dear? I have garibaldis, fig rolls, or you could have a small square of Tesco Christmas cake, it’s still in its wrapper, they were selling them off after the…’
‘God God! Haven’t you got any chocolate digestives or anything civilised, you cheapskate?… Anyway, what’s all this ‘Shed’ business? It’s a bit bleak, don’t you think?’
‘Is it?… It’s play on words, you see…’
‘Of course I can see!’
‘I’ve always thought the word ‘bloodshed’ was a bit strange, as is ‘watershed’… Do you see what I’m…?’
Oh, right… Here’s you tea, and have a fig roll or two, I’m sure you can manage a few of them, they are quite nice and figgy… Yes… do you like the bicycle sticking out from behind the…’
“Bike shed’… Hm… I suppose you thought that you were being subtle and clever… ‘
‘Oh, ‘bike shed’… I hadn’t thought of that…’
These fig rolls do dunk well though, don’t they David? I see that the high white towers of the distant city look a bit like a castle wall – I suppose we are behind it, thinking that we, in our so-called civilisation, are safe from all the horrors of the world… Hey, is that landscape pock-marked with shell holes?’
‘Er… well… You know Stella, I don’t really think these drawings out beforehand you know, they just sort of grow from a blank page, with…’
‘I suppose that you are juxtaposing the inevitable apocalyptic environmental collapse of the planet and the inevitable wars and suffering that will ensue, with images of the typically English garden shed, a fragile structure from the cosy safe days of the mid-twentieth century…’
‘Yes, Stella, that’s exactly what I’m doing – you are so astute – you have it in a nutshell…’
‘Are you making fun of me David?’
‘Possibly Stella…’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in art, brain, conversation, drawing, existentialism, fashion, Film, food, humour, information, style, surrealism, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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