Some short, but pithy items…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s instruction is to turn it upside down, push tag B firmly into slot A, line up dotted lines X and Y, insert hex-bolts J and P into the holes marked with dabs of red paint, take the whole thing out into the garden and set fire to it. The following morning go out and dance on the ashes whilst singing a carefree song.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Excuses for being late. No. 240.
I’m sorry I’m late, but I discovered a half completed full-sized glider in my loft.

A single overheard remark:
‘He’s got wood behind it…’

‘By the way, what’s your son doing now he’s finished college?’
‘Oh, he’s a journalist now.’
‘Oh dear… I am sorry to hear that, you must be devastated…’
‘Yes… and he’s still living at home – he keeps interviewing us… We can’t wait for him to move out. He was such a nice lad before all this…’

When I was a kid and first heard classical music playing on the radio I thought that it was just music for posh people. Now that I’ve grown up, and listened to it with a more mature and sensitive ear, I have come to the conclusion that it is just music for posh people.

‘The bloke who wrote The Three Musketeers wasn’t very intelligent…’
‘Oh?… What make you say that?’
‘Apparently he was known as Alexander Dumb-Ass…’
‘Ah, right…’

A single overheard remark:
‘Well, it’s our bloody roof terrace!…’

I just heard someone on the TV pronounce the word apricot as ‘app’-ricot. He was American of course, in the UK we pronounce it as ‘A’-pricot. How very unexpected; it’s usually the Americans rather than us who go for using letter names at the start of words – for example, in pronouncing ‘Iraq’ and ‘Iran’ lots of them plump for ‘I-rack’ and ‘I-ran’… There must be other examples, but I just can’t bring any to mind at the moment… Oh, what about ‘Amen’?… Oh, and Adolph?…

‘So, what do you think is the best thing about living in the West?’
‘Hm… Probably having the option of being an atheist…’
‘Gosh, yes…’

A single overheard remark:
‘What?… A fussel-board?…’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
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2 Responses to Some short, but pithy items…

  1. claradoodles says:

    UK – Aluminium. US – AlooooooooominUM. Re Classical music….I used to listen to it late at night on an old tinny wireless that my grandparents had. I envisioned lots of posh people in nice frocks and dinner suits dancing slowly in smoke filled dimly lit ballrooms. I had no idea it was just a record. Re the glider – get it built and sell it to Amazon as a delivery drone. I have been waiting two weeks for stuff, and am getting annoyed now. 😀

    • Dave Whatt says:

      You can have the glider if you like, but it does need finishing… Actually I actually like one or two bits of classical, but I do find most of the stuff on BBC Radio 3 pretty bland.

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