Loud Mayonnaise…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s random dictionary words are: degras, deglutition, dehisce, deiparious, dejeune, and wagenboom.
Please have these words looked up and placed in suitable sentences ready for Professor Mouldie first thing after breakfast tomorrow morning. Should the professor be breathing heavily and wearing a Darth Vader helmet you must not draw attention to, or remark on this.

I was walking through town yesterday pondering on which brand of kitchen towel I should buy when I was hit on the left temple by a lightweight projectile. It bounced off and came to rest on the top of the low wall supporting a raised bed of urban shrubbery. It was a ball of rolled up paper.
‘Ho ho!… Got you!… Got you right on the head you bastard!…’
I turned and said, ‘Hello Tony…’ It was Tony Mayonnaise, poet from the glory days of the Hull Surrealist League; he was standing in the doorway of a pub with a hand-rolled cigarette in the side of his mouth and a pint of beer in his hand.
He continued, ‘Pick it up, pick it up!… It great!… It’s for your blog thing – it’s a new spoem (spoof poem)… I’ve had it in my pocket all week – I knew I’d bump into you. Why don’t you come in here – you can buy me a pint…’
I declined his kind offer and picked up the ball of paper and put it in my pocket. I made some excuse, and quickly walked off. I could hear him shouting after me, ‘The spoem is just the scaffolding, and the foundation trenches, for a great novel… which I don’t need to actually write!… The experience of reading that spoem should be identical to that of reading the whole novel… if the reader has any fucking aesthetic sense at all!… See you Dave…

One tigstrap monobar alponate dax,
Moonawl monobar geem chipple dax,
Cuppy cuppy cuppy lounge-packs,
Plangent four.

Two fourline monobar colourdare dax,
Transanter monobar coatle mog tail-packs,
Flabbondo cuppy cuppy cuppy dax,
Plangent three.

Three teddymen monobar tidge core-packs,
Toothang monobar pudge upnight dax,
Ting cuppy cuppy cuppy cuppy dax,
Plangent two.

Four nonette monobar yzmo tupsy dax,
Orollol monobar crage quappy diddid dax,
Ulto cuppy copy cuppy copy cuppy dux,
Plangent one.

Tony Mayonnaise. 2015.

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in art, brain, conversation, drama, dreaming, existentialism, Hull.UK., humour, information, poetry, serendipity, style, surrealism, words, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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