Some more smallish items…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s featured fruit is the thoughtful and taciturn Cox’s Orange Pippin.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Excuses for being late. No. 243.
I’m sorry I’m late, but I was delayed in the nail bar.

A single overheard remark. (Woman on supermarket checkout.)
‘Sorry Love, I was away on a tangent for a moment…’

The old man sitting near me in the cafe was eating noisy crisps from a bag; the bag was producing an annoying ‘crackle-crackle’ sound as he poked his fingers into it. I was glad when he crunched the last one and put the bag down on the table… But no, he picked it up again and amused himself for ten minutes repeatedly folding it up and unfolding it again… Doh!…

‘I’ve got guitarist…’
‘What does that mean?… Is that a magazine?’
‘Well, yes it is… but that’s not what I’ve got – I’ve got ‘guitar wrist’ from playing too many barre chords.’
‘Oh right…’

An overheard remark, passed on by a friend of mine:
‘Pauline is going down to London… I said to her… I said, ‘I’ve always… I’ve always wanted… a Harrod’s carrier bag…” (HCB)

Some words of wisdom from my dad:
When I was a lad my father gave me a tip – he said, ‘If you think there’s going to be a fight, always take your tie off… someone might grab it and try to choke you with it…’
Good words of advice, but so far I’ve been quite lucky and not needed them…

‘What do you think of my cheeks?’
‘Your cheeks?’
‘Yes…’
‘Well, they’re, cheeky…’
‘Thank you!…’

Of course, it’s only a matter of time before all the obese people start going around killing off and eating the remaining thin people…

‘…and where are you?…’
‘Eh?…’
‘What is your location?…’
‘Oh right… Do you mean, where am I located?’
‘Sort of… Where are you?’
‘Or do you mean, where am I located at?…’
‘Yes… if you like…’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in brain, conversation, cool, drama, dreaming, Dulltown, existentialism, Hull.UK., humour, information, observations, serendipity, surrealism, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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