My new religion…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s unusual pencil sharpener is the one shaped like a long sigh.

‘So Dave, when you start your new religion…’
‘Hey, how did you know I was starting a new religion?’
‘Oh, I hear things… also it was in the local paper…’
‘Oh, right… So, what was it you were about to ask?’
‘Well Dave, what about the afterlife?’
‘What about it?’
‘Well, will you be having one?’
‘Oh yes, well, you have to really, it give people hope you know. I’ve got it pretty well all worked out.’
‘Have you really? Will you be having hell as part of it?’
‘Sort of…’
‘What do you mean, “sort of…”?’
‘It’s still in the planning stage…’
‘Oh, come on, give me the gist of it… Don’t tease!’
‘Well, there won’t be a separate heaven and hell.’
‘No, there’ll be just the one, er… afterlife thing…’
‘Come on Dave, spill the beans!… How will it work? What will happen when we die?’
‘Parallel universes…’
‘Parallel universes?’
‘You can’t mix religion and physics you know Dave – that’s unheard of!’
‘Well, I have… You see, bearing in mind that there are an infinite number of universes out there.’
‘Are there?’
‘Oh, yes… and branes.’
‘Yes, you see, this is how it works – if you have been a nice kind person throughout your life, and not done very much harm, you will be reborn into a world in a parallel universe where everybody is like that, a bit like heaven…’
‘And, if you were mean and nasty, and did bad things in your life, you’d be reborn into a horrible world where everyone’s like that… Get it…?’
‘You’ve obviously given a lot of thought to this Dave.’
‘It came to me in a flash as I was eating my breakfast last Wednesday morning.’
‘So, it encourages people to be caring and good…’
‘So, what will your religion be called?’
‘I haven’t quite decided that yet, but…’
‘But what?’
‘I’m definitely going to be wearing nice robes, oh, and some kind of special hat…’
‘Of course…’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
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