Some short but pithy items…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s 18th c. English naval expletive is ‘Smite my timbers!’
According to my little book on swearing, Bozzimacccoo: Origins and Meanings of Oaths and Swear Words (1975) by Mary Marshall, ‘One Mathew Towgood moved house to a sea port so he could study the bad language of sailors in their natural haunts. The result of his research was a pamphlet, Upon the Profane and Absurd Use of the Monosyllable Damn, published in 1746.’
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Excuses for being late. No. 248.
I’m sorry I’m late, but I was picking all the sultanas out of my bag of muesli.

A single overheard remark:
‘No, he was like yeah!… No, really, he like yeah!…’

I am thinking of starting a campaign to have the order of the letters in the alphabet rearranged. The current way is not aesthetically pleasing to me. I propose having all the nice round letters, such as the O, S, C, and the elegant Q, etc. at the start, and all the sharp and unpleasantly angular letters pushed down to the far end, the N, Z, E, K, etc.

An observation:
A fat middle-aged man swaggering past the cafe window; he had a really big heavy-looking gold chain around his neck – no, no, he was a white bloke. How it glinted in the spring sunshine!
He might as well have had a sign hanging round his neck next to it saying, ‘Look at this! It’s worth a hell of a lot of money – no, I’m not scarred of anyone trying to pinch it – look how hard I am!… Come on, just give it a try, you, you, pantywaist!…

Aha, what’s this in my comments box? It’s another piece of spam. This one seems to be from someone called ‘ucabb’:
‘I very corresponding what you guys lea to be up to. This fokrm of adroit do work and insurance coverage! Observe up the guys I’ve added you guys to blogroll.
Well, thank you ‘ucabb’, I appreciate your getting in touch, and hope to hear from you again soon. Best wishes, and good luck with the fokrm.

‘You look wistful this afternoon…’
‘Ah, that’s because I’ve been playing whist all morning…’

‘Oh those evil evil birds!…’
‘What birds?’
‘The birds near the pedestrian crossing on that busy main road.’
‘Eh?’
‘Evil, evil… clever, and evil…’
‘What?… Why?’
‘They’ve learned to imitate the sound of the bleeps for pedestrians to cross when the traffic is stopped at the red light.’
‘Oh?…’
‘And they lie in wait nearby until someone walks up and presses the button. Then while the traffic is whizzing past they make their bleeping sound to lure the unwary out onto the busy road… Bastard birds!’
‘Bastard birds indeed!…’

A single overheard remark:
‘I really don’t know where my balls have gone…’

Note: When I spell checked this page, for the word ‘pantywaist’ it came up with ‘pantheist’.

 

 

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in archeology, brain, conversation, dreaming, Dulltown, existentialism, expletives, history, Hull.UK., humour, information, observations, serendipity, surrealism, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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