A few smallish items…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s pencil sharpener is the one shaped like a British Prime Minister.

Excuses for being late. No. 252.
I’m sorry I’m late, but I became preoccupied seasoning my wok.

Some words from the BBC’s classical music station, Radio 3:
‘Rewarding and fulfilling…’
‘The tensile strength of the music!…’
‘Marvellous… Rewarding and fulfilling…’

As I was travelling into town the other day I had a brief glimpse of a poster advertising one of McDonald’s products, I think it was a sandwich of some sort. They used the cute made-up words ‘Sausageness’, ‘Baconness’, and then the word ‘Manliness’ printed very large on it. Hm, yes, I can see what they are doing there. Now that everyone knows that the chemicals used in the production of processed meats are linked to cancer and heart disease and an early death, they are angling their advertising towards the chap who doesn’t really believe all that, the manly sort of chap who is strong, confident, and resilient, and doesn’t give a toss for such scaremongering pseudo-scientific nonsense… Actually at first I thought that the word on the poster wasn’t ‘manliness’, but ‘man-illness’.

A single overheard remark:
‘You’ll have the bloody thing in your wardrobe for ever!…’

An observation:
A hairy-faced old man repeatedly shouting the word ‘racehorse!’ down his phone at someone…’

‘Mountebank’ is a nice old-fashioned word. I think it was the name for a charlatan, a fraudster, a trickster, and a thoroughly ‘bad lot’. Perhaps we should adapt and update it, and transform it, and give it new life to describe present day financial rogues – how about ‘mountebankers’?

‘And who’s fault do you think it is then?!…’
‘San Andreas?…’

‘I hear that you play guitar.’
‘Yes, that’s right.’
‘What style do you play?’
‘Oh, I like thrashing loud punk music, some people say I’m a real rebel…’
‘Do they?… Good… Look, here’s my guitar, would you play something for me?’
‘Oh, sorry, I can’t.’
‘Why not?’
‘I haven’t got my music with me…’
‘You haven’t got your… Really?’
‘Good god!…’

I’m thinking of changing my name to Jonah Vark.


About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
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