Victoria and Mayonnaise…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s heraldic term is ‘addorsed’ – of beasts back to back. (Beasts)
I used to have a couple addorsed chimps on my shield, but I had them removed, they looked too silly.

I generally don’t watch the local news on TV. As a ‘citizen of the world’ I’m not really interested in local things, but the other evening I pressed the wrong button on the remote and caught a few seconds of it. There was live coverage of something going on in Queen Victoria Square here in Dulltown; there were blue flashing lights, white police vans and cops in yellow jackets chatting on their phones. On the screen there was a wobbly telephoto shot of a figure who was engaged in climbing up the statue of Queen Victoria which stands high above the ladies’ and gentlemen’s public toilets in the middle of the square. The figure seemed to be hanging on by one hand and shouting and waving at the small, but appreciative grinning crowd which had gathered below.
A couple of hi-vis clad cops were half-heartedly pretending to climb up after him. A red fire engine, its siren screaming, appeared in the background. The camera zoomed in on the man; he had a piece of paper in his hand and appeared to be reading from it and addressing the crowd.
It was, of course, a very drunk Tony Mayonnaise, idiot poet from the glory days of the Hull Surrealist League. Later that night after being released from the police cells he posted the piece of paper through my door on his way home; it had an attached note (written on police station toilet paper) telling me that I really should share his ‘spoem’ (spoof poem) with the world on my ‘blog-thingy’:

Spenlop tipnaddy aggamorg sitsit blewn,
Strewnt strick pomelon dandermug,
Kakacake brenna choll,
Noidl queeping,

Moo moo moo moo moo moo moo,
Coo coo coo coo coo coo coo coo coo,
Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo,
Zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo,
Poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo.

Thops tildo,
Brownogs fuft commeron,
Recky snecky binkle schlommet,
Tagra nuzzlers mephanoo plite fothno.

Tony Mayonnaise 2015.

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in brain, drama, Dulltown, existentialism, heraldry, history, Hull.UK., humour, information, style, surrealism, TV, words, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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