Some small but pithy items…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s instruction is to remove the packaging by slitting the corners with a sharp knife, turn it upside down and immediately void the warranty by removing the four set-screws, open the back and touch all the components with greasy fingers, plug it in and see if you can watch Celebrity Come Dancing on it without yawning.

Excuses for being late. No. 261.
I’m sorry I’m late, but I came across a World War II Sherman tank buried in my garden.

I’m trying to introduce a new greeting between friends into current usage. (It’s taken from an earlier post of mine. Post.) Instead of one person saying, ‘Hello…’ and the other responding with, ‘Hello…’ or perhaps in the American style, ‘Hey!…’ and the response being, ‘Hey!…’ you say:
‘Chocolate on your cappuccino?’ and you receive the correct response, ‘Fuck off!…’

A single overheard remark:
‘…and I’ll tell you what else he doesn’t like…’

I’m thinking of changing my name to Dermot Ology.

‘What’s you little dog called?’
‘What, like a small jackal?’
‘Yes, that’s right…’

‘Did you see that thing on TV last night about China?’
‘The Terracotta Army?’
‘No, the other one, about the Great Walls.’
‘Great Walls?…’
‘Yes, apparently there were 16 of them.’
‘Gosh!… Did they join up?’

A sign outside a local hairdressing salon:
Full Head Human Extensions.’

I had been out of work for months, but then I got a dream job at the Sleep Research Institute.

I popped into a charity shop yesterday to get out of the misty rain; they had lots of interesting stuff. I was torn between two possible purchases: A small oil painting, it was a spectacularly bad copy of Constable’s The Hay Wain, and a set of three pot wall ornaments in the form of glowing bright pink sea-horses. In the end I came to my senses, reason prevailed and I didn’t buy either.

A single overheard remark:
‘She must be over-diluted…’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in advertising, art, brain, conversation, cool, Dulltown, existentialism, history, humour, information, overheard, painting, people, serendipity, surrealism, TV and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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