So, how was school today?…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s super adjectives are: oppilative, granivorous, tremulous, profectitious, chubby, and didymous.

‘Yes dear?’
‘Public schools…’
‘Yes, what about them?’
‘Are they schools for the public, the general public?’
‘It depends.’
‘Oh?… On what?’
‘On whether you live in Britain or America.’
‘Here in Britain public schools are private schools, and in America…’
‘They are for the public?’
‘Yes dear.’
‘So why do we call our private schools ‘public’ schools?’
‘Because it dates back to a time, not so long ago, when ordinary people didn’t go to school at all.’
‘Really? Not at all?’
‘Hm, the rich people had their children educated privately at home…’
‘Gosh indeed, and the people who were only moderately rich sent their boys off to a ‘public’ school where they had to mingle with the boys of other moderately rich people.’
‘What about the girls then?’
‘Oh, they didn’t think it was worth educating the girls…’
‘Oh… right… That wasn’t very nice, was it Mum?’
‘No dear it wasn’t.’
‘So, is it still like that now?’
‘Sort of…’
‘But why don’t the rich people just send their kids to ordinary schools, like the rest of us, and not have to pay the fees and things?’
‘It’s because they want their offspring to have a ‘special’ education.’
‘A special education?’
‘Yes, public schools pay their teachers lots of money, so they attract the very best ones – the ones with the right attitude and the right ideas.’
‘The right ideas?’
‘Yes, the ones who encourage their students to speak loudly and clearly, and to adopt the school accent, and to be self-assured and confident, to develop an air of arrogance and superiority, no matter how inherently half-witted and stupid they may be.’
‘Gosh Mum… So, they don’t have schools like this in America?’
‘Oh, yes they do, but there they call them ‘private’ schools.’
‘That’s a bit confusing isn’t it?’
‘I suppose it is.’
‘So what are the other advantages of this ‘special’ public school education?’
‘Well dear, you grow up with other rich children who will all eventually go on to Oxford or Cambridge, and then they will slip into well paid jobs, perhaps become politicians, or high ranking civil servants…’
‘What? Even if they are dim-witted and stupid?’
‘Of course, and they all support each other, it’s like a big club – you’ll never be poor if you are in the big club…’
‘Gosh… What else?’
‘Well, in public school the tradition is that the younger boys are sexually abused by the older ones, but that’s something you are expected to just get used to and shrug off, but when you yourself get older you can enjoy abusing the younger ones; so the tradition moves on – it has always been like that…’
‘I don’t like the sound of that very much Mum…’
‘No, but it’s the accepted thing – it goes back centuries… Anything else you’d like to know dear?’
‘Yes… What’s for tea?’
‘I thought that we’d have baked beans on toast, with cheese on…’
‘Good oh!…’


About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in conversation, humour, information, irony, jobs, learning, school, style, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to So, how was school today?…

  1. julie harms says:

    Mom forgot to mention the ridiculous “uniforms”.

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