So, Jesus’s mother…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s peacock is the drab nunty one.

‘So anyway, Mary, in the bible…’
‘Which one?’
“Which one?’ Are there more than one?’
‘Yes, at least two.’
‘Oh yes, there’s the Virgin Mary, and there’s Mary Mag….’
Virgin Mary?’
‘Yes… Of course.’
‘Ah yes, I remember now, it was a sort of miracle wasn’t it? She is Virgin Jesus’s mother, right?… Oh, and by the way, what did her husband, good old Joseph, think about all this? I don’t suppose that gets a mention in the book.’
‘I don’t know… and anyway, he’s not called the Virgin Jesus!’
‘Oh? Why not? Did he have sex then?’
‘No, certainly not!’
‘Well he’d be a virgin then.’
‘Yes, but he’s not called that!’
‘Well, that’s not very even-handed is it? His mum gets the title and he’s just plain old Jesus.’
‘Don’t be silly, he’s not ‘plain old’ Jesus, he’s Our Lord Jesus!’
‘Why don’t they call him Our Lord Virgin Jesus? I mean, one’s virginity is apparently something to be proud of, all that abstaining and everything, especially if you are of a religious persuasion, which of course he was… You could call him VJ for short. Why don’t you get in touch with the Archbishop of Canterbury, or His Holiness, and suggest some sort of rethink?…’
‘This is getting stupid!’
‘No it’s not… and by the way again, did Jesus have any younger brothers and sisters?’
‘Er… I’m not sure…’
‘Because if he did, Mary his mum couldn’t be a virgin any more… unless a few more miracles had gone on… What do you think?’
‘Look I…’
‘So, was Jesus a virgin or not?’
‘Well, I don’t think that it’s actually mentioned in the bible, in those terms.’
‘Well, it might raise a few issues if he wasn’t, don’t you think? Have you read that Da Vinci Code thing?’
‘Oh shut up, that’s ridiculous!’
‘It would the logical thing to do to call him the Virgin Jesus, it would be a very good move you know, just to make things crystal clear for everyone, and avoid any further speculation about his children… and his possible descendants…’
‘Just stop it now please, and stop referring to him like that!”
‘Well logic and common sense leads me to think that…’
‘Logic, and so-called common sense, have nothing to do with this! This is religion!…’
‘Yes, yes, you are quite right. I really am very sorry… I do apologise most sincerely… I’m afraid I got rather carried away… Still, it’s been nice chatting with you… My word, it’s getting quite chilly on this doorstep isn’t it?”

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in archeology, brain, conversation, drama, history, humour, information, irony, learning, magic, religion, sex, surrealism, thinking and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to So, Jesus’s mother…

  1. cb says:

    Reblogged this on Contrafactual and commented:
    This is just too funny …

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