Brownlow and the Prof. in deep waters…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s fruit bat is the one who eats only sausages and bacon.

Here’s a rehashed piece from my early days of blogging when I was on that odd thing called Myspace:

‘Good morning Brownlow, did those pictures we were expecting from Dr Chusp-Wendel arrive in this morning’s post?’
‘Good morning Professor, yes, I put them on your desk next to your Times, your What’s On TV and your Mars Bar.’
‘Hm… Brownlow, what I don’t see is my early morning mug of tea waiting for me on my desk.’
‘Oh sorry sir, the kettle is on, it won’t be a moment.’
‘Hm… So, what do you think of our little venture into underwater archaeology?’
‘It’s very exciting sir, but I wish we could dive down to the wreck ourselves.’
‘Well maybe you could manage it Brownlow, but I’m getting a bit long in the tooth for such escapades, and what do you deduce from these photographs of the mystery object?’
‘Well, it is certainly very difficult to make out, it’s still half buried in the silt, I really have no idea, perhaps you could enlighten me sir…’
‘As you know the item is lying close to what remains of the wreck of HMS Molescroft; she went down in a storm in 1837.’
‘Yes sir?’
‘The artifact we see here is, in my opinion, not a manufactured object, but something that the sailors made themselves by hammering into shape a piece of soft metal, which was really intended for use in running repairs to the ship, coating it with a protective layer of high quality paint, and thus fashioning a makeshift, but sturdy container to keep their clothes dry in the moist salty atmosphere…’
‘Oh… Really?… I see… It looks pretty fragile, and there are pieces missing form the body of it. Do you think they’ll get it out without it disintegrating completely?’
‘Yes, lad, they’ll have to be damn careful with it, but yes, I think it could be raised to the surface intact.’
‘That would be good sir… Oh, and how should we describe this artifact in our report?’
‘Well Brownlow, I’d just say it was a painted, hammered out metal drum that the crew kept their clothes dry in…’
‘What the hell’s the matter? You look disappointed. That’s a good enough description isn’t it?’
‘Well sir, I thought that might have said something like, ‘It’s a salvable maleable enamel apparel barrel…”
‘Why in God’s name do you think I would say something like that?’
‘Well sir, you usually…’
‘And where’s my bloody tea?’
‘Sorry Professor, I’ll get it now…’


About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in archeology, conversation, drama, Grumpiness, history, humour, information, surrealism, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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