Mayonnaise with sticks…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s unusual pencil sharpener is the one shaped like a hint of sunshine.

Hm, I generally don’t like ‘middle of the road’, ‘nice’ music. I tend to be drawn to music that has a bit of wildness about it, perhaps unusual scales, odd harmonies, challenging rhythms, that sort of thing. How about J S Bach tinkling weirdly on his harpsichord? The Velvet Underground relentlessly grinding away, DEVO upsetting numerical time, floating Japanese koto music, Captain Beefheart’s slashing jagged guitar riffs… you know, that sort of thing…
So, as I was walking past a musical instrument shop yesterday afternoon and heard the sound of a drum kit being played in an unusual style, I was intrigued enough to pause for a moment and listen. The rhythm was ‘almost’ right, but had a subtle sloppiness that was disconcerting and ear-catching; it was also very loud. I could hear shrill angry voices just discernible over the crashing and thudding too.
I peeped through the doorway of the shop and saw Tony Mayonnaise, poet from the glory days of the Hull Surrealist League, sitting at an expensive kit, his head tilted back, mouth wide open, bashing hell out of it. He was shouting out one of his spoems (spoof poems) over the top of the racket. His eyes were bulging and his face was sweaty, probably as a result of the exertion and a bloodstream rich in alcohol.
After he had been pulled off the drums and thrown out we chatted for a moment; he gave me a copy of the spoem to share with you dear reader:

Checker cheek zoo zone gamut,
Murmur mound quench queen goblet,
Aurora ankle brain bound guppy,
Trammel terror dune drain grapple.

Blubber basque telemetry tool graphite,
Device dice flop fur Gordon,
Estrange erg ulna umpire gentle,
Naphtha nor heat husband gene.

Serif steel adze ape grunt,
Vandal veil illusion ibex garland,
Journal jibe leather life gum,
Wham worm orb oil gulp.

Logic loafer clang crepe gramme,
Fang fruit keen kingly groin,
Thought thrash pin poker gin,
Gown gown gown gown gown.

Tony Mayonnaise. 2015.

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in art, brain, cool, drama, Dulltown, existentialism, Hull.UK., humour, information, mind, music, poetry, serendipity, style, surrealism, words, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Mayonnaise with sticks…

  1. memadtwo says:

    I want that hint of sunshine!

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