So, what about these wrinkles then?…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s mollusc is the one with a degree in computer science.

During my recent bout of flu-ish bug suffering (you may recall that I mentioned recently that I experienced an early warning sniffle or two, a possible ‘train germ’ from my visit to Leeds) I stayed indoors a lot and watched a good few slices of plump daytime television, as one does in such circumstances. Daytime TV shows seem to be very carefully designed for old people who will watch anything, and middle-aged ladies of leisure with blank, but cosy afternoons; there are plenty of adverts popping up begging you to send off money to sponsor: glum looking ill-treated horses, threadbare dogs, skinny cats, and suffering sad-eyed brown children who have to drink filthy water daily – poor buggers!… There are also lots of adverts for sparkling airy new kitchens with noiseless slow closing cupboard doors; crisp white angular plastic add-on conservatories with cheap-looking finials, and also orangeries (whatever they are); also, there seems to be a lot of stuff available to help you look after what is left of your body, and your crumbling face too.
I noticed an advert for a jar (or was it a tube?) of expensive stuff to slap on your cheeks to make you look… not so old. I’m sorry, but I can’t recall the name of the muck, but I remember it  sounded a bit ‘French’ – the French do stuff like that very well I am led to understand. What caught my ear though, was the phase they used – ‘Reduces the appearance of lines and wrinkles’. What a clever pithy piece of writing – what a masterpiece of deception! If you are lolling back in your deep soft sofa, and not paying too much attention, it really does sound like it is saying, ‘This stuff here prevents lines and wrinkles from ever appearing on your face, and if you you already have ’em, it makes ’em quickly disappear, never to return’, but of course they wouldn’t be allowed to say that, it would be out-and-out lying – we generally leave that sort of thing to our politicians. After decoding their sneaky message you might be left with, ‘This stuff might soften your skin a bit, and your lines and wrinkles will definitely look a bit different, their appearance will be temporarily changed after rubbing our gunk into them, it fills in the cracks quite efficiently.’
No no! Am I being a bit over cynical here? What do I know? Perhaps the stuff really is wonderful… Feed your faces ladies!… Slap it on!…
But I do know a bit of clever and manipulative writing when I see it…

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in advertising, brain, existentialism, humour, information, observations, serendipity, style, surrealism, TV, words, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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