Kirk, Spock, and Mrs Peel…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s featured expletive is ‘arse!’  This is of course the same as the US ‘ass’, but the English version avoids any possible confusion between buttocks and donkeys which, for me, is a good thing – and ‘ass’ never seems to have the power of the original English word. So, dear reader, let’s try to keep our arses and donkeys separate. A nice example of the use of this swear-word from the 18th century is ‘My arse on a bandbox!’ How very colourful…

So what has the TV in store this evening? There are a couple of nice 1960s relics on tonight, an episode of Star Trek and one of The Avengers on different channels at the same time. Gosh! Perhaps I’ll flick between the two, and watch them both at once…

‘No, Mr Steed, I don’t think so…’
‘I dropped my guard for a minute Jim.’
‘A very volatile chap!’
‘What do you want? Violins?’
‘A salmon?… In Bond Street?’
‘You struck me, with your hand!…’
‘Pyromaniac mice?’
‘We come in peace…’
‘But he treated it like a toy…’
‘We’d like to speak to this Vaal…’
‘What? Handles that fight back?’
‘A giant tractor beam. We can’t break loose Captain!’
‘My little dials are kaput.’
‘Like a fly on fly paper, we’ll burn up for sure!’
‘Mrs Peel is on her way right now.’
‘He causes the rain to fall and the sun to shine.’
‘Now, I don’t wish to be rude, but…’
‘Captain’s Log, Stardate 3715.6…’
‘Engrossed in a circuit diagram?…’
‘Power emanations… Fascinating…’
‘You play a rough game Mr Steed.’
‘A force field?’
‘I don’t usually fall for strangers…’
‘If you are tired, you may rest…’
‘What about Mrs Peel?’
‘They are forbidden by Vaal…’
‘I’ve been slaving over a Bunsen burner.’
‘The holding, the touching… is forbidden by Vaal…’
‘I want you in my arms Mrs Peel.’
‘Nothing makes sense! Do it!… Kirk out…’
‘Spare my blushes.’
‘It’s a machine Jim, nothing more.’
‘But you destroyed all my files!’
‘This isn’t life, it’s stagnation!’
‘The most powerful man on earth!’
‘They receive the necessary instructions from Vaal.’
‘You’ll be charged with 25,000 volts!’
‘It’s not a dance!’
‘Rubber galoshes, the Englishman’s best friend!’
‘Vaal speaks truly to me.’
‘Are you AC or DC?…’
‘It’s a violation of the non-interference directive.’
‘Don’t fight it Mrs Peel!’
‘Captain, don’t let them feed Vaal!’
‘A freak phenomenon Mr Steed.’
‘Vaal is dead…’
‘Hello, hello, hello?’
‘Chekov, Bones, let those people go…’
‘Mrs Peel, we are inseparable!…’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in conversation, drama, expletives, history, humour, information, religion, serendipity, style, surrealism, TV, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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