Some short, but pithy items…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s unusual pencil sharpener is the one shaped like a puff of steam.

Excuses for being late. No. 273.
I’m sorry I’m late, but I was waiting in for the heat death of the universe. (HDU)

A single overheard remark:
‘He just got a couple of strawberries and then he left…’

This morning there was a woman on the radio who had a strong Irish accent. She consistently pronounced the ‘th’ in words as ‘t’, as Irish people do: teory for ‘theory’, tat for ‘that’, toughts for ‘thoughts’, tirty for ‘thirty’, etc. But I noticed that for some reason she did manage to pronounce the ‘th’ in the word ‘third’…

A couple of days ago in the late afternoon I was shopping with a friend of mine in the big Tesco supermarket in the city centre. I noticed a man dressed all in black with a swaggering gait going quickly down the aisle looking to left and right, as if looking for some hard-to-find item of shopping. He was unshaven, had black pouches fastened around his upper body, and was wearing a black baseball cap with the word ‘Police’ written on it in white; he also had a black pistol sticking out of a holster strapped to his right leg. As he disappeared around a corner, another one, dressed and armed the same, also unshaven, appeared at the other end of the aisle. Later we saw a third one, also armed, chatting and laughing with one the Tesco staff near the Christmas special offers. I’m not sure I like the idea of people with pistols wandering about our shops – this is Britain, not fucking America…

‘Have you had lunch?’
‘Yes, I had a bird sandwich.’
‘A bird sandwich?’
‘Ah, chicken then…’
‘Yes… What of it?…’

Aha! What’s this sitting here in my comments box? Oh, it’s a piece of spam from someone called jerseys wholesale:
‘only possession insidethe Rams’20-yard line.Have you recently purchased an aquarium? If so, have you purchased any method is possible using more ancient technology (Morano, 2006). Furthermore, if a new technology does provide a severed left arm. Now, you may want be asking yourself exactly where one can come’
Well, thank you jerseys wholesale, I will certainly bear in mind what you have said, and I hope to hear from you again soon. Best wishes from Dulltown.

‘Gosh! Did you feel the bus shake and wobble as those obese people got on?’
‘Yes, I suppose you’d call it a girth-quake…’

An observation:
All the people in town today are walking about with their mouths hanging open, looking rather like sad fish.

A single overheard remark:
‘Bob’s got a secret dispute…’




About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in brain, conversation, drama, Dulltown, existentialism, expletives, Hull.UK., humour, information, observations, overheard, people, seeing, serendipity, surrealism, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s