Stella wants Battenberg…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s pair of not dissimilar sounding words are: splatter and spatter – splatter spatter splatter spatter splatter spatter splatter spatter…

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA‘Phew!…’ 1990. Charcoal and pencil on paper about 24″ x 18″.

‘Oh, hello Stella my dear, I’d given up on you, I had begun to think that you weren’t coming.’
‘Well, I’m here now – here, take my wet brolly… and get that kettle on! I want nice hot tea, and a thick slice of Battenberg, and be quick about it!’
‘I thought that you didn’t like marzipan Stella.’
‘Well, I do today – go on, get in that kitchen!’
‘Anyway I haven’t got any Battenberg, in fact I never have Battenberg, how about a couple of cheese straws?’
‘As if!… What about an American English muffin?’
‘A what?’
‘Or a triangle or two of Toblerone?’
‘No… I have some Jaffa Cakes, here, here’s your mug of tea, you great fat gannet!’
‘Alright, I’ll manage with two or three Jaffas then. What’s all this nonsense?’
‘It’s a drawing from back in nineteen…’
‘I heard that you were doing ‘splatter paintings’ David.’
‘Yes… why don’t you show me some of those?’
‘They are not ‘splatter’ paintings, they are ‘spatter’ paintings Stella.’
‘What’s the difference?’
‘Well, not much really, but ‘spatter’ sounds cleverer. Anyway I don’t think you’d like them.’
‘Huh!… This tea is very nice – it’s really hitting the spot! More Jaffa Cakes please! I see that you call this drawing “Phew!…”‘
‘I think you should change it.’
‘Oh, what to?’
‘Something like “The Pleb’s Dream”‘
‘Well I…’
‘I see where you are coming from David.’
‘Do you Stella?…’
‘Yes, it depicts the ultimate personal goal of every single self-centred pathetic stupid bloody human surviving in this squalid capitalist world…’
‘Does it?’
‘Yes, it’s the urge to accumulate enough money, by whatever ugly and despicable means necessary, to buy the great vehicle, the means of escape, to get out of the stinking sweaty grasping corrupt so-called civilisation…’
‘Well Stella, I…’
‘But as you see, it’s all in vain, the poor wretch in his fine hand-made suit and tie, in his great fat shiny car is dragging all the clinging shit after him… he will never pull himself clear… it’s a financial albatross…’
‘Eh?… A financial alb…’
‘Nice sky too, I love the lightning bolt, and the thousand blank eyes of the workhouses David. How about some more tea?’
‘Yes, alright Stella…’

English muffin.

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in art, brain, conversation, drawing, existentialism, humour, information, painting, people, seeing, surrealism, sweating, Uncategorized, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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