The heliocentricity attribution squabble…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s instruction is to wrap four of them up in old newspapers, tie each of them around with string, and place them on a large table, one at each corner. Crouch under the table, eyes closed, whistling a merry tune, and tap on the underside of the table top until one rolls off – this will be the one that you should keep – you may discard the other three.

Here is an old post from my early days of blogging when I was on that funny old thing called MySpace:

‘Yes sir?’
‘Oh, there you are!… I hope you’ve got the tickets and our reservations to hand.’
‘Oh yes Professor, everything is in order. Look sir… these are our seats.’
‘Hm… I’ll take the window one… am I facing the engine?’
‘Facing the… Yes, of course sir.’
‘Jolly good… Now, Brownlow, I’ll bet you are wondering why we are suddenly taking a trip up to London.’
‘Yes sir, I was wondering that. Is it to do with your research into the stuff we found in the Vatican archives last month?’
‘Did you remember to bring some sweets?… Yes, that original Galileo manuscript hidden away by Pope Urban VIII that we found, it really has opened up a can of academic worms!’
‘I have half a packet of Maynards wine gums.’
‘Yes sir, I thought the Galileo document would stir up a …’
‘Now then, where did I put my pipe?’
‘Oh Professor, you can’t smoke on a…’
‘Oh shut up Brownlow! I just need to suck on it for a while, I’m not going to light it! Don’t get in a tizzy man!’
‘Sorry sir… so, what is this controversy about?’
‘Is there a buffet service on this train? That early 17th c. clockwork model of the solar system in Her Majesty the Queen’s collection may, or may not, pre-date Galileo’s notes that we unearthed. Those historians are scrapping like feral beasts over Her Majesty’s planetary model and the consequences of my discovery.’
‘Are you going to clarify the situation for them sir?’
‘Yes, I most certainly am! Buffoons that they are!’
‘Couldn’t you just have written to them, instead of your having to go there in person Professor?’
‘No, no, they insisted. They have arranged for me to give a short lecture at the Royal Institution before an invited audience of Britain’s top academics.’
‘Gosh sir!’
‘Yes, I’ll be explaining the resolution of the Royal orrery corollary quarrel orally.’
‘Err… right… I’m sure that you will make it very clear for them Professor.’
‘I think so Brownlow… So, is there a buffet car on the bloody train, or not?…’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in archeology, brain, conversation, Grumpiness, history, humour, information, learning, Royalty, smoking, surrealism, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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