Aunt Phoebe’s seaside snaps…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s random dictionary words are: selenographic, seewing, seladang, selictar, sempiternal and wulfenite. Please have these words looked up and placed in suitable sentences ready for Professor Mouldie first thing after breakfast tomorrow morning. The professor has recently been to have his chakras balanced, you must not ask him about this…

‘I thought of a really mean trick…’
‘If I was a millionaire…’
‘If I was a millionaire, I’d go round to my Aunt Phoebe’s house and…’
‘And give her lots of money?…’
‘No… I mean yes, I would, but… Just listen will you?’
‘I’d borrow half a dozen of her photos.’
‘Is your Aunt Phoebe a photographer?’
‘No, in fact she’s rotten at it – always wobbly and a bit blurred, but she took some snaps of her grandchildren having a good time at the seaside last summer.’
‘Are they nice?’
‘Not particularly.’
‘So, why are you…?’
‘Well, bearing in mind I’m a millionaire now…’
‘I’d spend lots of money having them digitally scanned, then blown up to a very large size, and printed on boards – it would all be very professional looking.’
‘I’ll come to that…’
‘How big?’
‘Well, say about a couple of metres square, that sort of size.’
‘Pretty big then?’
‘Yes, then I’d hire a posh expensive London gallery for a few weeks and have them exhibited as a one person show.’
‘Oh yes? Would you put her name on the show?’
‘Of course I would!… You see, the idea is, that her photos, being in a very prestigious gallery, and beautifully reproduced, and tastefully hung, people would flock in to look at them.’
‘What’s your point?’
‘Would they be on sale?’
‘Of course, say £20,000 each, I’m sure they’d sell like hot cakes.’
‘So, why?…’
‘It’s to point out, that in the art world these days, the important thing is the presentation and the media bullshit – the actual aesthetic quality of the work is of little or no importance.’
‘Right… So, would you eventually give the game away, and tell everyone that the pictures are just your Auntie Phoebe’s family snaps?’
‘Of course! Think of the embarrassment! It’s the emperor’s new clothes again!… Ho ho, it’ll be great!’
‘It won’t work…’
‘It won’t work.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because the art establishment will put it over as a very clever conceptual piece about the language of visual communication, and a subtle critique of 21st c. aesthetics – it will be really popular, and most important of all, the critics will absolutely love it…’
‘Damn!… Those buggers!… You can’t win can you?’
‘No, you can’t…’
‘Damn, damn, damn!… Such a great idea too… I’d still do it though, if I had the cash…’
‘Good for you!.’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in art, conversation, cool, dreaming, humour, information, money, seeing, style, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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