I have the measure of you now…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s gargoyle is the clean-cut handsome one.

‘It’s all to do with mensuration…’
‘What’s that?’
‘Didn’t you do it at school?’
‘I don’t think so – we didn’t do biology.’
‘It’s not biology, not really…’
‘It’s measuring – as in mensuration and geometry…’
‘Goodness me! Is that the time?’
‘No, it isn’t.’
‘I really must be off soon, I have an appointment at the…’
‘I’m sure you can spare another minute…’
‘Alright then, so what is it, that’s all to do with mensuration?’
‘Life, happiness, purpose, meaning… that sort of thing…’
‘Oh yes, undoubtedly…’
‘Life and happiness are all to do with measuring things?’
‘Yes, you’ve got it! Well done!…’
‘Are you patronising me?’
‘Only a little bit.’
‘You see, there is this universal thing, which us humans have come up with that we use to measure everything, and I mean everything…’
‘Do you?’
‘Yes, I do.’
‘Goodness me, can that be the time?…’
‘No… Can you guess what this thing that we use for measuring is?’
‘Is it the metre?’
‘The inch?’
‘Try again…’
‘Degrees Fahrenheit?’
‘No, it’s money…’
‘Yes, you see, people wonder and worry about themselves, about their position in the great scheme of things, why they are here, and what they are doing… and all that sort of thing…’
‘Do they?’
‘Well some of them do… They measure their place in the cosmos…’
‘The cosmos?’
‘Yes, by how much money they have coming in, and are accumulating.’
‘Do they?’
‘Yes, isn’t that silly?’
‘I suppose so… Look I’m due to be at the clinic by half past, and I really must…’
‘Of course it’s not how much money they’ve actually got, is it?’
‘Isn’t it?’
‘No, it’s really to do with how much more they’ve got than the people they know have… Mensuration, it’s a measure of how much more meaningful and worthwhile their lives are than other people’s. They really do strive…’
‘Yes, they strive and strive…’
‘Well, I’m sorry for them, but I really must be off now, I…’
‘You see, even the fat greedy bankers do the same thing.’
‘Do they?’
‘The amount of cash someone has doesn’t matter, what’s important is having a bit more, or a lot more, than the other person… Just one more Lamborghini, or a slightly bigger yacht, that sort of thing…’
‘So, instead of money, what should we be measuring our lives with?’
‘Maybe we shouldn’t be measuring our lives at all…’
‘Perhaps we should be just doing some obviously positive things during our time in this thing called life.’
‘Such as?’
‘Well, discovering something new in particle physics; doing a shit job at a supermarket checkout, but still managing to be nice to people; writing a nice song that will move people to tears; finding a new cure for athlete’s foot; not getting drunk and hitting people, even if you feel like doing that, and…’
‘This sounds a bit like religion, or some mad cult – you sound like a hippy; are you trying to persuade me to sign up for something?’
‘No, no, not at all!…’
‘Excuse me… I have a question.’
‘That watch… on your wrist…’
‘What about it?’
‘It’s gold, is it a Rolex?’
‘Er… it might be…’


About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in brain, conversation, humour, information, learning, mind, money, people, surrealism, thinking and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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