A few titchy items…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s fruit is the half-eaten Cox’s Orange Pippin left on the philosophy shelf in the public library.

Excuses for being late. No. 283.
I’m sorry I’m late, but something was spooking the horses in the night.

‘Yes dear?’
‘What are the two most scary words in the world?’
‘Hm… let me think for a minute… Ah yes, how about President Trump?’
‘Oh, you’ve guessed!’
‘Well it wasn’t very difficult, was it dear?’

A single overheard remark:
‘I said it’s not chilbulla!…’

An observation:
There was a gusty wind blowing across Dulltown yesterday – it carried the distinctive smell of freshly sharpened pencils – how very odd!…

Bloody hell, it’s noisy in the cafe this afternoon! Ah, a table of Africans and a table of Chinese are fighting out an escalating conversation volume battle – better sit over by the door and put my headphones on…

‘What’s that you are having for lunch?’
‘Just a tin of dolphin chunks on toast.’
‘Dolphin chunks?…’
‘It’s alright, they are tuna friendly.’
‘Ah, right…’

I’m going round town with a bag of paints of various colours, brushes, marker pens, and adhesive patches, to correct the improper use of the apostrophe which is so prevalent in Dulltown these days. I carry with me a copy of my honours degree in pedantry should anyone wish to see it… I am the superhero Apostrophe Man!…

Aha! What’s this in my comments box? It’s a piece of spam from someone called orioles:
Each golfer provides their own choice in the case of club packages. Still typically, a pair used to have fun one spherical on the gameplay require no greater than 15 golf equipment. A complete fixed in generally comprised of a group of irons of a couple of to in search of, an operater (sic) a good pitching elegant wedge, 2 fairway timber (usually a three and also a five) and one continue amongst the golfer’s solution, probably a hybrid car team. Around numbered marcherons, 3, several, eight, together with nine and is particularly one common diversification. Creation X in addition to Y Staff members.
Well, thank you orioles, I will certainly bear in mind what you have said, and I do hope to hear from you again soon.

Madrassas – is that where you go to learn how to make the best curry?…

A single overheard remark:
‘I’m bored shitless at my mum’s…’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in cafe, conversation, cool, Dulltown, existentialism, food, Hull.UK., humour, information, learning, misheard, observations, overheard, serendipity, surrealism, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to A few titchy items…

  1. memadtwo says:

    President Cruz? President Rubio? Republican…(fill in the blank). Take your choice. (K)

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