A few smallish items…

But first.,..
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s 17th c. English expletives are Piss! and A pox on it! These two were apparently quite popular with King Charles II and his rowdy pals.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Excuses for being late. No. 285.
I’m sorry I’m late, but my hair suddenly went Donald Trump on me.

A single overheard remark:
‘…and I was digging through it all to get out…’

What a strange world we inhabit. Next to my kitchen sink I have a bottle of Tesco washing up liquid. This product is available in a variety of colours and ‘flavours’ – the one I chose is bright red and is called Red Cherry and Orchid… I must write to Tesco and ask how much actual red cherry and orchid there is in each bottle.

Speaking of kitchens, the tap on my kitchen sink is a quantum tap. You can hear it dripping, but as soon as you look at it, it stops, it then resumes when you look away.

‘Hey you, Smithlow…’
‘Yes Professor?’
‘What do you think of this new strange mould?’
‘Hm, I don’t like the look of it sir.’
‘Oh, I think you’ll find that it’ll grow on you…’
‘Whoa!…’

An observation:
An attractive and smartly dressed young woman got on the train and sat in a seat opposite mine. She took out a dainty white handkerchief and blew her nose with the sound of a bull elephant.

‘Yes, all the blokes in Dulltown have a great sense of irony.’
‘Oh?…’
‘Yes, just look at the number of them slouching around smoking cigarettes and wearing old faded Superman t-shirts.’

Oh no, it’s another item of spam in my comments box. This one seems to be from someone called jerseys free shipping:
of the most important aspects of obituary writing is, like the constant reminder of human mortality study. ‘The incident at Reagan NationalAirport is troubling and of great concern’ said Rep. Wemust deal with at the Bokrijk and a playground is readily available to children. That BCCI procedure, Roy proclaimed, is celebrities are, all, uniting to raise fund during this year’s Thanks and Giving campaign. You can submitting details abou your commerce stor through a pub or sort of electronic mail but different
Well, thank you jerseys free shipping, I will certainly bear in mind what you have said, and I hope to hear from you again soon. Do keep up the good work!

A single overheard remark:
‘…and then his huge friends came round…’

 

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in brain, conversation, cool, dreaming, Dulltown, existentialism, expletives, history, Hull.UK., humour, information, irony, misheard, observations, overheard, people, physics, serendipity, style, surrealism, swearing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to A few smallish items…

  1. Tesco will lie to you if you ask them about the cherry. Because they lie about everything. Also my dog is like your tap, in that when she eats stuff off the ground she stops chewing when you look at her, but when she thinks you aren’t watching she will happily chomp away. Vets bills are horrendous…..!

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