Doom and the tile spacers…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s pencil is the one sharpened at both ends, but with both points completely worn down to the wood.

I never listen to the local radio station. It’s a bit too anodyne, and so very very Dulltown, but yesterday I was buying a packet of those X-shaped white plastic tile spacers (which I ended up throwing away as they were far too fiddly to use) in small hardware store, and they had it playing over a small radio behind the counter. I was about to leave with my purchase when I recognised the voice of the person being interviewed on it; it was a local ‘arts roundup’ programme and the voice was that of Simon Doom, poet from the glory days of the Hull Surrealist League.
I could tell that he’d had one or two beers from his occasional giggle and his slightly slurred speech. As I was about to go out of the door I heard the radio chap say, ‘So, Simon, the style of your poems…’
‘Spoems! interjected Doom, ‘they are not ordinary poems, they are spoems, or spoof poems, you imbecile!’ There was a moment of heavy dead air, then the interviewer continued, ‘People have said that your spoems are similar in style to those of that other well-known Hull poet, Tony Mayonnaise.’
There was another lump of dead air followed by a crashing noise, an expletive, and someone shouting, ‘Get off! Get him off me!… You drunken bast…’
I left the shop smiling. When I arrived home there was a dirty piece of paper with Doom’s latest spoem on it on the doormat. At the top he had scrawled, ‘Dave this is new, it’s a goymoidal spoem.’
I don’t know what goymoidal means, and I got nothing on it from Google…

Trellnet fant mootalangoteen um,
Broodol fiffy aldik mootonapuck um,
Karath zatza-mol mootupticole um,
Moot fang fang fang cuddle!

Trelldol tuds garbelmatso um,
Fedgo upple da garbelastate um,
Inty-bo stratler garbindite um,
Garble dodge dodge dodge fussy!

Trelloin dummel tossuptoman um,
Puxty puxty woll tossminglow um,
Haab fittle quom tosseroo um,
Tostig rump rump rump lather!

Trellimp corkite mangositate um,
Ghold feep likle manghobatto um,
Cheal waddamin mangfotte um,
Mangle gull gull gull swoon!

Simon Doom 2016.


About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in art, brain, conversation, cool, drama, Dulltown, existentialism, expletives, Hull.UK., humour, information, mind, poetry, serendipity, surrealism, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Doom and the tile spacers…

  1. Bizarrely I had the voice of Brian Blessed reading this in my head…..made me laugh 😀

  2. shammy says:

    Makes complete sense to me……. but are you sure that’s how you spell mangositate?????

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