So, what did you do last night?…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s weather will be composed of crumbs of Wensleydale cheese against a background of deep azure slits – there is a possibility of a sprinkling of transparent spheres towards the evening, but they should clear up before bath-time.

‘So, Dave, what did you do last night?’
Well, several months ago I foolishly bought another electric guitar. Yes, I know I’m bonkers. I certainly didn’t need it, but it looked so good, a sunburst one, and it felt, you know, ‘just right’ in the hands, and gosh, when it was plugged in, those P90 pick-ups sounded so rich and… Well, you get the idea…
It’s an Epiphone Casino, like the one Howlin’ Wolf, oh, and John Lennon, used to play, but mine is made in China… but is still pretty good!
‘What has this got to do with last night? Were you playing this guitar?’
No, but… Well, it wasn’t supplied with a case, and with it being a semi-acoustic hollow instrument it’s a bit more vulnerable to damage that a sturdy, solid, kick-it-around-the-floor, guitar such as a telecaster, so I thought I’d buy one for it. It arrived a few days ago – eighty quid’s worth!
It looked pretty solid and well made (in China of course), and I couldn’t wait to get the guitar into it – there… nice and snug, and protected; let’s shut the lid, oh, hang on… ouch!
Yes, I found that the four chrome-plated sturdy catches had nasty sharp edges hiding underneath the hinged thing that clips down to lock the case; they catch on your fingers…

It’s where the parts have been stamped out and shaped by some machine; you see those two little lugs with rectangular holes in them? They had sharp turned-over edges where the punch had bashed through the steel. You’d have thought that someone in the factory would have the job of sanding them smooth before they were chrome plated… wouldn’t you?…
‘Yes I would Dave… So?…’
So, I thought that I would get a small file and some fine abrasive paper from my little workshop and sort them out whilst watching television.
‘Oh, what did you watch Dave?’
Well the choice was: Murder She Wrote, Tattoo Fixers, Baby Faced Binge Eaters, The Real Housewives of Cheshire, and Conspiracy: Alien Cover-up.
‘And you went for the alien cover-up one?’
How did you guess?
‘Did you fix the catches alright?’
Oh, yes, smooth as silk now… a pleasure to open and close… in fact, I think I’ll get the guitar out and have a twang on it…
‘Sorry Dave, but I really must be going now… ‘

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
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8 Responses to So, what did you do last night?…

  1. Nice job…give us a tune then 😀

      • Wow! I loved that…..really really cool and surreal. Is that the only one you did or have you got more? I mean….this is really important (haha!)

      • Dave Whatt says:

        Ha ha indeed. Thank you S. I thrive on encouragement! There are plenty more of mine on SoundCloud. Try clicking here –

      • Ooooh, a whole album of stuff! My favourite so far is Birds and Humans, and the rest that I have heard is great as well. Still got a bit to go. What did you use to make this?

      • Dave Whatt says:

        Oh, you have certainly put my SoundCloud listening figures up – thank you.
        My methods: The older ‘tunes’ were done using a sampler and synthesiser keyboards and a 1990s Atari computer. Now I use ‘virtual recording studio’ software called ‘Cubase’ and a small hand-held digital recorder – when I can summon the enthusiasm that is…

      • Cubase looks interesting….does it do everything you make, like the little snippets and repeats? I once tried garageband on this very old macbook (so old I’m sure its a prototype!) and that was fun for a while. The hand held recorder would pick up a myriad of sounds though – is that what you used for Birds and Humans, because it sounds like a cafe environment. These days one might very likely get into trouble if surreptitious recording was found to be going on…..!

      • Dave Whatt says:

        Cubase will do most things you could do in a studio – those voice snippets on ‘Pollitix’ were just cut up bits of recorded Radio 4 ‘glued’ together. The humans (in a cafe) and the birdsong (in garden) were recorded separately on the hand-held small digital recorder – a Zoom H4N. It’s great fun sticking things like this together. By the way, the Cubase software came free when I got the recorder, but I bought about £30 worth of upgrades for it.

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