One or two short items…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s Vladimir Nabokov quotation is from the novel The Luzhin Defense:
Luzhin groaned and cleared his throat, looking around him distractedly. In front of him was a round table bearing albums, magazines, separate sheets of paper, and photographs of frightened women and ferociously squinting men. And on one there was a white-faced man with lifeless features and big American glasses, hanging by his hands from the ledge of a skyscraper – just about to fall off into the abyss.

Excuses for being late. No. 291.
I’m sorry I’m late, but I was trying to poke out some blueberries that had rolled under the fridge.

A single overheard remark:
‘Did you wear your white and gold one, or go all black?…’

‘What’s that noise coming over the speakers in the bookshop?’
‘It sounds like someone trying to wear out a saxophone by continuously running up and down scales on it while a drummer crashes out of time around his kit.’
It’s called ‘jazz’ Dave…’
‘Ah, right…’

Today the bus smelled of a 50/50 mix of hot spicy food and sweaty dirty clothes warmed up by body heat.

So, how can you tell early on that someone you have recently met is totally self-obsessed, and think that they are the centre of the universe?
Well, when they phone you, instead of saying who they are, they say, ‘It’s me…’
Even when I recognise the voice, I always say, ‘Who?… Who is that?…’

How to write:
Well, I find that it is best to lay it all out simply in black and white, and then when it seems to make some sort of sense, colour it in with a thick wet brush dipped in some sticky adjectives…
Adjectives such as, ‘thick’, ‘wet’ and ‘sticky’.

I think I’m going to change my name to Bingo Knight.

Isn’t it clever how Dulltown folk manage to reduce the number of syllables in the phrase, Do you know what I mean? down to just two? ‘Nwarmean?’

‘And then he just stormed off!…’
‘And did he storm back on again later?’

I hear that the younger members of the Royal Family are being encouraged to learn how to chew gum with their mouths open to try to connect with the less well-off young people of their kingdom.

A single overheard remark:
‘No, no, I’ll be sweating me head off!…’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
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7 Responses to One or two short items…

  1. Haha! I have a friend who phones me saying “hello, its me” and when I say “who?”, she says “you know, meeeee, from down the road!” Also, language up here… terrible habit some people have (ok, most but not me), is ending a sentence with “but” as in “I went to the shops, but….and got this thing, but….its not really working, but….” and another infuriating habit is saying “no” at the end of a question “Do you want to take the dog for a walk, no?” or “Can’t we just get it online, no?”

    • Dave Whatt says:

      Oh dear, I’ve never come across that ‘but’ and ‘no’ business – sounds like a lack of confidence to me… no?…

      • Ha! very amusing! But I do agree that it seems that the speaker could be a little unsure of themselves and what they say. Although, they seem to have plenty of confidence after partaking in a few beers, hrrmph!

      • Dave Whatt says:

        Perhaps it is like that rising inflection that a lot of Australians have, making all ordinary sentences sound like questions (?)

      • Possibly…Americans do that too, I’ve noticed. Its quite tedious to listen to, because its never clear whether its an actual question or a statement, so how does one respond? This is why I’m the quiet person sitting in the corner with a look of confusion on her face – give me a good book any day 😀

      • Dave Whatt says:

        I’d not noticed Americans doing it so much as the Ausies – you have to be very careful you don’t catch it off them…

      • Hmm, I’ll remember that next time I’m having international communications :p

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