One or two short items…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s Vladimir Nabokov quotation is from the novel The Luzhin Defense:
Luzhin groaned and cleared his throat, looking around him distractedly. In front of him was a round table bearing albums, magazines, separate sheets of paper, and photographs of frightened women and ferociously squinting men. And on one there was a white-faced man with lifeless features and big American glasses, hanging by his hands from the ledge of a skyscraper – just about to fall off into the abyss.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Excuses for being late. No. 291.
I’m sorry I’m late, but I was trying to poke out some blueberries that had rolled under the fridge.

A single overheard remark:
‘Did you wear your white and gold one, or go all black?…’

‘What’s that noise coming over the speakers in the bookshop?’
‘Eh?…’
‘It sounds like someone trying to wear out a saxophone by continuously running up and down scales on it while a drummer crashes out of time around his kit.’
It’s called ‘jazz’ Dave…’
‘Ah, right…’

Today the bus smelled of a 50/50 mix of hot spicy food and sweaty dirty clothes warmed up by body heat.

So, how can you tell early on that someone you have recently met is totally self-obsessed, and think that they are the centre of the universe?
Well, when they phone you, instead of saying who they are, they say, ‘It’s me…’
Even when I recognise the voice, I always say, ‘Who?… Who is that?…’

How to write:
Well, I find that it is best to lay it all out simply in black and white, and then when it seems to make some sort of sense, colour it in with a thick wet brush dipped in some sticky adjectives…
Adjectives such as, ‘thick’, ‘wet’ and ‘sticky’.

I think I’m going to change my name to Bingo Knight.

Isn’t it clever how Dulltown folk manage to reduce the number of syllables in the phrase, Do you know what I mean? down to just two? ‘Nwarmean?’

‘And then he just stormed off!…’
‘And did he storm back on again later?’
‘Eh?…’

I hear that the younger members of the Royal Family are being encouraged to learn how to chew gum with their mouths open to try to connect with the less well-off young people of their kingdom.

A single overheard remark:
‘No, no, I’ll be sweating me head off!…’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
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7 Responses to One or two short items…

  1. Haha! I have a friend who phones me saying “hello, its me” and when I say “who?”, she says “you know, meeeee, from down the road!” Also, language up here…..one terrible habit some people have (ok, most but not me), is ending a sentence with “but” as in “I went to the shops, but….and got this thing, but….its not really working, but….” and another infuriating habit is saying “no” at the end of a question “Do you want to take the dog for a walk, no?” or “Can’t we just get it online, no?”

    • Dave Whatt says:

      Oh dear, I’ve never come across that ‘but’ and ‘no’ business – sounds like a lack of confidence to me… no?…

      • Ha! very amusing! But I do agree that it seems that the speaker could be a little unsure of themselves and what they say. Although, they seem to have plenty of confidence after partaking in a few beers, hrrmph!

      • Dave Whatt says:

        Perhaps it is like that rising inflection that a lot of Australians have, making all ordinary sentences sound like questions (?)

      • Possibly…Americans do that too, I’ve noticed. Its quite tedious to listen to, because its never clear whether its an actual question or a statement, so how does one respond? This is why I’m the quiet person sitting in the corner with a look of confusion on her face – give me a good book any day 😀

      • Dave Whatt says:

        I’d not noticed Americans doing it so much as the Ausies – you have to be very careful you don’t catch it off them…

      • Hmm, I’ll remember that next time I’m having international communications :p

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