Another wasted afternoon…

But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s featured fruit is the forgotten golden pear slowly wrinkling to brown behind the box of Weetabix – look at that knowing smile on his face as he basks in the oblique evening sunlight…

‘So, Mr Whatt – oh, and by the way, thank you for agreeing to be interviewed…’
‘You’re welcome.’
‘You just said that.’
‘I know… So, you usually write the items for your very popular blog, sitting in cafes, like this one?’
‘Is that a question?’
‘Then yes…’
‘People tell me that you don’t use a laptop, tablet, or any other electronic device?’
‘Do they?’
‘Tell me, what method do you use?’
‘I use a little notebook.’
‘And an actual pen?’
‘An actual pen? Yes.’
‘One that perhaps handily slots down into the wire spiral of the binding?’
‘The notebook does have a wire binding, but it is not a spinal spiral…’
‘Not a spinal spiral, what is it then?’
‘Mathematically speaking the wire is in the form of a helix rather than a spiral, the binding is helical.’
‘Now, Mr Whatt, these notebooks are generally called ‘spiral bound’ notebooks.’
‘Well, the people that call them that, are wrong…’
‘Right then, I’m glad we have that cleared up… Oh, are you alright?’
‘Yes, yes, just suppressing a tickle.’
‘A tickle?’
‘Mm, in the throat, just a small fragment, a crumb, of that very nice Belgian chocolate brownie you just bought me, I’m fine…’
‘Good… So, back to your writing.’
‘Alright, carry on.’
‘Okay, is perhaps the notebook you use a Silvine A6 Notebook Twin Wire Bound one by any chance?’

DSCN4480‘Why yes, as a matter of fact it is…’
‘With Made with care in the UK  printed on the front?’
‘Er, yes… that’s right, what a very good guess on your part!’
‘Oh, not guesswork David, we do like to do plenty of research when we interview a celeb such as yourself.’
‘I notice that you pronounce the word ‘research’ as re-search…’
‘Do I? What of it?’
‘Oh, nothing… nothing…’
‘Back to your notebook, what colour of outer plastic cover do you prefer? Perhaps orange?’
‘Well, the one I’m using at the moment is orange as a matter of fact – another lucky guess?’
‘No, I must confess that my assistant Tamsin here has been talking to some of your friends in preparation for this interview.’
‘Has she indeed? You must give me their names so I can unfriend them.’
‘They all said that you were quite whimsical…’
‘Whimsical? Did they?’
‘So, what sort of pen do you use, and did you deliberately choose one that would slide into the spiral, er, helical, binding for storage purposes?’
‘It’s an old Parker ballpoint, and it was just by chance that it slides in so readily.’
‘Mm, “so readily”, nice…’
‘The Parker refills are a bit expensive, but I find that the W H Smith cheaper copies do the job just as well.’
‘Is it?’
‘Oh, yes, our audience loves this kind of intimate detail. Now let’s probe a little deeper into your creative process.’
‘If you must… Can I have another brownie?’
‘Tamsin will go and get you one, won’t you Tamsin? So, when you take your little notebook back home to your PC and transcribe the…’
‘No, after writing my piece I rip out the pages from the helix, fold them up small, and put them into my trouser pocket with my shopping list and my small change.’
‘Oh, I like that! Lovely detail David… Oh, here’s Tamsin with your brownie.’
‘Thank you Tamsin. Then when I get home I throw the still folded pages into a cardboard box, an old shoe box, next to my computer.’
‘Fabulous! What kind of shoes did it once hold?’
‘Er… a pair of er, black and white Converse boots, size 11, is that important?’
‘Oh vital!’
‘…and then in the weeks to come, I dip into the box and select one to publish.’
‘At random?’
‘Not really… Where are you off to? Aren’t you going to ask me about my art, my ideas, my photography and stuff?…’
‘No, no, we have more than enough here. Thank you so much Mr Whatt… Come on Tamsin, we’ve only got ten minutes to catch the London train, and get out of this hell hole…’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in art, brain, conversation, Dulltown, Grumpiness, Hull.UK., humour, information, surrealism, words, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Another wasted afternoon…

  1. Mark my words…one day this scenario will actually happen! 😀

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