That’s a very attractive dog you have there…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s pencil sharpener is the one shaped like the mouth of hell.

‘Do you think that dogs and cats will ever start wearing lipstick and makeup?’
‘What?… That’s ridiculous!’
‘No, it’s not. Do you think that they’d look alright?’
‘Of course not!…Do you want another cup of tea?’
‘No thanks, I’m good.’
‘Hm, I’ll have a cake though, if you are going to the counter… So, lipstick on a cat then…’
‘Listen, you are not good, you are perhaps, no longer thirsty…’
‘That’s right, I’m good thanks – or maybe a dog with a bit of blusher?’
‘Dogs don’t need any blusher! Where in God’s name is all this coming from?’
‘I’ve seen dogs in little jackets and hats…’
‘Have you? Where?’
‘Oh, around… on TV, fairgrounds, that sort of thing, I’ve definitely seen ’em.’
‘How about in old times…’
‘Old times?’
‘Yes, with organ grinder’s monkeys – they had little costumes they could wear, I’ve seen pictures in books.’
‘They could wear?’
‘Yes, they probably had little wardrobes of their own with little…’
‘No, no, no, they were forced to wear those outfits by their vicious scallywag cockney owners.’
‘I will have that cake that you just offered, if you are going to the bar – but then there’s Donald Duck.’
‘He wore a sailor suit.’
‘Well, yes, I suppose…’
‘Yes, and his girlfriend, what was her name? She had a wardrobe full of nice frocks, and she wore a bit of blusher, I’m sure.’
‘No she didn’t…’
‘…and eye makeup, I’m sure she fluttered her lids at Donald once or twice.’
‘Look, I’ve had enough of all this nonsense… Anyway, I mean… dogs and cats have got hairy faces…’
‘Oh yes, of course, hairy… Still, they could put it on very carefully…’
‘With their paws?’
‘Of course.’
‘No, no, this is totally implausible… But, you might have to – give them a bit of help with it…’
‘Yes yes, that’s right…’
‘Hang on a minute… just let me think… You know, you do deserve a cake.’
‘Do I?’
‘Yes. I’m really impressed… You’ve come up with a really great idea.’
‘Think of the marketing opportunities!’
‘The what?’
‘It’s an unexplored niche!’
‘What’s a niche?’
‘No one is making dog and cat makeup – we could be first in the field.’
‘The field?…’
‘Yes, think of all those pet shops, packed with caring gullible customers, we could supply lipstick, face powder, eye liner, blusher, the full works!’
‘Oh yes!’
‘…and little pet dressing tables with mirrors and drawers full of stuff.’
‘I like the sound of little dressing tables.’
‘We’d have to give the products an unpleasant taste though.’
‘So the little buggers don’t scrape it off and eat it – you know what filthy beasts dogs and cats are…’
‘Yes, filthy, they’ll eat anything they’re not supposed to.’
‘Right! I’m going to get you a nice big cake, and then we’ll work out setting the commercial wheels in motion.’
‘Commercial wheels?… What was Donald Duck’s sexy girlfriend called?’
‘Sure you don’t want another tea?’
‘No thanks, I’m good.’
‘Yes… yes, you are…’

WP F 4569(Mail art postcard No. 4569)

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in brain, cafe, conversation, drama, dreaming, existentialism, humour, information, serendipity, surrealism, thinking and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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