Stella eats fig rolls noisily…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s weather will be composed of azure spheres jostling with pure white rabbits on high, with intermittent spats from beads of descending crystal water. The glow of a red chafing rash will billow up by evening.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERATop of the World (1997) Charcoal and pencil on paper, probably about 24″ x 18″.

‘Good god David! Have you seen Dulltown city centre lately? It’s a chaotic mess! I’ve got grit in my eyes from all that bloody pavement grinding that they’re doing!’
‘And good morning to you, my dear Stella.’
‘They’re herding all the people like mad sheep down narrow fenced-off walkways – no wonder people are seething and going ape!’
‘Seething sheep going ape Stella?’
‘Yes… Get that kettle on, I’m parched! What the hell is this?’
‘The kettle’s already on, how about a small cup of cheap instant coffee my dear?’
‘As if!… No, I want proper Taylors of Harrogate Yorkshire bloody Tea, in a big mug – you big mug!… And as I said – what the hell is this?’
‘It’s a drawing – can I interest you in a fig roll or two with your drink?’
‘I can see it’s a drawing you nitwit! It looks crap…’
‘Thank you my dear. “Crap” you say?… Here’s your tea, don’t poke your eye out with the spoon – I left it in the cup to cool the beverage for you.’
‘The spoon will cool the tea? Utter nonsense! Where are those fig rolls you mentioned?’
‘You see, the metal of the spoon is a good conductor of heat, and when it come into contact with the hot tea it…’
‘I see you’ve called this thing Top of the World – what the hell is that supposed to mean? And pass me the packet of FRs. I want to dunk them – they’ll cool the tea down – metal spoons indeed!’
‘You see, Top of the World is the title of a painting in the local art gallery, I’ve always liked it, it’s by Edward Wadsworth, and I…’
‘Is this just a copy of it then David?’
‘No… Could you try to eat those biscuits a bit more quietly Stella? You know that your audible chomping annoys me.’
‘You can’t just copy other people’s work you know.’
‘It’s not a copy, in fact it’s not like Wadsworth’s painting at all, I just thought that I’d use that title because I thought that it would fit the mood.’
‘The mood?’
‘There isn’t any mood David. What’s all that clutter jumping about behind the square thing?’
‘That is reality Stella.’
‘What? – You are joking, aren’t you?’
‘Yes, and no… How about another cup of tea? Were the fig rolls satisfactory?…’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
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5 Responses to Stella eats fig rolls noisily…

  1. Misphonia is the annoyance of sound involving the mouth (more or less) I have it with whistling – I cannot abide people whistling. Anyway, I do like this….I interpret it as the square (people) letting loose a few verbal expletives at the state of everything going on. A discordance with life, if you like. Its very good, in a grim sort of way. 😀

    • Dave Whatt says:

      Thank you my dear Scribbler.
      Whistling eh? Have you punched anyone yet?… Ho ho!
      My nightmare is sitting opposite someone on train who is eating crisps and making murmuring appreciative sounds at the same time… Whoa! – Eyes closed and headphones quickly on head to blot it all out!…

      • Not punched anyone quite yet, but have swiftly abandoned whatever I’m doing and left the area/shop/town…..
        And yes, likewise with the crunching MMMMmmmm’s. Makes me want to crumple the packet up and stuff it in their mouths saying “Does THAT taste nice too??!!” But I don’t. Again, I just leave the vicinity very politely and quietly. 😀

      • Dave Whatt says:

        Tee hee hee!…
        In P G Wodehouse’s ‘Uncle Fred in the Springtime’ the Duke of Dunstable throws eggs at a whistling gardener…
        Get some eggs my dear Scribbler!…

      • Oooh, now that sounds like a jolly good idea! 😀

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