My personal details (Part two)…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s 18th c. expletive is Gadso! – which looks at first as if it could be a corruption of God save me, but according to Bozzimacoo: Origins & Meanings of Oaths and Swearwords by Mary Marshall (1975) it is more probably from the Italian Cazzo meaning penis.

A few weeks ago I published a post on these pages which included the first half of a list of things that I have never done. This all started as I was walking past the Dulltown city centre branch of McDonald’s; I realised that never in my life had I eaten a McDonald’s burger, or tried any other of their fine world-famous highly nutritious products.
Since that post I have given the remains of my list a bit more thought, have added to it, and decided that now is the time to publish it and conclude this silliness. As with my earlier piece I have sneakily included one item in the list which is untrue – something I have done…

I have never…
Eaten an oyster.
Felt it necessary to remember the names of the members of the Royal Family.
Attended a football match (except at school where it was compulsory).
Played a game of bingo.
Been snowed in in a log cabin.
Had my chakras balanced.
Fought a duel at dawn with pistols.
Watched an episode of Big Brother.
Accumulated a comprehensive collection of firearms.
Been to a gym.
Driven a motorbike and sidecar.
Been marooned on a desert island.
Seen a UFO.
Ridden a tandem.
Been involved in a saloon brawl.
Had a go at karaoke.
Learned to knit.
Eaten a KFC.
Owned a ship in a bottle (though I always fancied having one).
Caught a large fish.
Inherited a large fortune.
Been thrown out of a pub.
Been on a terrifying fairground ride.
Oh dear, I just realised what a drab life I’ve been living.

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in books, brain, existentialism, expletives, history, Hull.UK., humour, information, school, serendipity, swearing, thinking, TV, Uncategorized, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to My personal details (Part two)…

  1. I think the untrue one (the one thing you HAVE done) is driven a motorbike and a sidecar…..

  2. You must have learned to knit, surely! A man of your dexterity ….

  3. John says:

    Its surprisingly difficult to get thrown out of a pub….not just because I am a lifelong tea-totaler who believes alcohol is a route to Hell.
    In early 2009 I attended a conference with about 30 mature students from various Irish universities. The venue being a small town in County Kildare. Maynooth….look it up its real.
    We had dinner and drinks in a local pub….of which there were many because all students are going to Hell.
    Being elderly, we were slow to move at closing time. And a bouncer (as they are seemingly called) stood at our table. I was somewhat nervous but my companions who had experience of pubs said this was normal and ignored him.
    I commented that I had never been thrown out of a pub and this was taken up by my companions as a rite of passage I should have before dying.
    I asked the bouncer if he would throw me out of the pub…but he told me that he is not allowed to touch a customer. His technique is to stand in the customers “space” and appear intimidating.

    • Dave Whatt says:

      Oh how very disappointing for you! At least the bouncer could have pretended, and done it like a mime artist and by not actually touching you, you would have had to pretend to be resisting of course… What fun!…
      Thank you!…

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