Just hold this for me for a moment would you?…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s architectural term is ‘Severy’ – a compartment or bay of a vaulted ceiling. I get lots of large and interesting spiders in the severies down in my gloomy dank undercroft.

Some things that you might be embarrassed to be seen carrying around in the town centre:
(All items in the list would be in plain sight, not wrapped up, nor hidden away in bags or boxes.)

A large bad oil painting of a nude woman or man.
Any large part from a shiny suit of armour.
A colourful golfing umbrella that refuses to go down.
Two broken dining chairs, just three legs on each.
A very large jingling crystal chandelier.
An eight-foot live anaconda.
A full-size gold Catholic processional cross.
A generous bunch of brightly coloured fan dancers’ fans.
A large framed colour photograph of a grimacing Tony Blair.
A heavy felling axe.
A replica of Marcel Duchamp’s (or E. von Freytag-Loringhoven’s)* ‘Fountain’.
A white twin-necked electric guitar (12 and 6 string).
Four red plastic lobsters from a fishmongers’ window display.
A grinning ventriloquist’s dummy.
A cardboard box with ‘Danger – Fissionable Material’ printed on it in red.
Three British policemen’s helmets.
A dirty garden wheelbarrow without a wheel.
A ten-foot stuffed crocodile.

(* This is rather interesting, if you like art history!)

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
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9 Responses to Just hold this for me for a moment would you?…

  1. Jheron Bash says:

    Would a large GOOD oil painting of a nude woman or man be OK then?

  2. I rather think that an 8 foot live Anaconda would be carrying ME down the street, than the other way round! And my goodness, that Baroness Elsa was a bit of a lass, wasn’t she? I would have loved to have her as a friend! 😀

  3. Dana Doran says:

    Aside from the fact that my most untreasured job is as the “stand here and hold this” assistant to the household repairs of my husband – – an activity that we now laugh heartily about….my take on this list reminded me of the 1985 film, Brazil. Go figure.

  4. Personally, I’d be proud to carry a grinning ventriloquist’s dummy! (They like to call them “figures”.) That profession isn’t as popular as it used to be. But– really!– we’ve only scratched the surface of ventriloquism’s potential.

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