Just hold this for me for a moment would you?…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s architectural term is ‘Severy’ – a compartment or bay of a vaulted ceiling. I get lots of large and interesting spiders in the severies down in my gloomy dank undercroft.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Some things that you might be embarrassed to be seen carrying around in the town centre:
(All items in the list would be in plain sight, not wrapped up, nor hidden away in bags or boxes.)

A large bad oil painting of a nude woman or man.
Any large part from a shiny suit of armour.
A colourful golfing umbrella that refuses to go down.
Two broken dining chairs, just three legs on each.
A very large jingling crystal chandelier.
An eight-foot live anaconda.
A full-size gold Catholic processional cross.
A generous bunch of brightly coloured fan dancers’ fans.
A large framed colour photograph of a grimacing Tony Blair.
A heavy felling axe.
A replica of Marcel Duchamp’s (or E. von Freytag-Loringhoven’s)* ‘Fountain’.
A white twin-necked electric guitar (12 and 6 string).
Four red plastic lobsters from a fishmongers’ window display.
A grinning ventriloquist’s dummy.
A cardboard box with ‘Danger – Fissionable Material’ printed on it in red.
Three British policemen’s helmets.
A dirty garden wheelbarrow without a wheel.
A ten-foot stuffed crocodile.

(* This is rather interesting, if you like art history!)

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
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9 Responses to Just hold this for me for a moment would you?…

  1. Jheron Bash says:

    Would a large GOOD oil painting of a nude woman or man be OK then?

  2. I rather think that an 8 foot live Anaconda would be carrying ME down the street, than the other way round! And my goodness, that Baroness Elsa was a bit of a lass, wasn’t she? I would have loved to have her as a friend! 😀

  3. Dana Doran says:

    Aside from the fact that my most untreasured job is as the “stand here and hold this” assistant to the household repairs of my husband – – an activity that we now laugh heartily about….my take on this list reminded me of the 1985 film, Brazil. Go figure.

  4. Personally, I’d be proud to carry a grinning ventriloquist’s dummy! (They like to call them “figures”.) That profession isn’t as popular as it used to be. But– really!– we’ve only scratched the surface of ventriloquism’s potential.

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