1xWhite, 1xBlack, 1xNude, and Faux-ivy, etc…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s outside temperature is 292 degrees Kevin – hm, balmy…
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Ah, now where did I put this week’s copy of What’s On TV? Oh, here it is, I just… Hello, what’s this stapled into the middle of the pages? It seems to be an extra little magazine, see, it’s called ‘Easylife Everyday Solutions‘. I wonder if I should glance through it before I rip it out and throw it away?
Gosh, it really is full of interesting items, and it also has some nice wording in the descriptions of the products:

Slim Sleeves (Pack of 3, 1xWhite, 1xBlack, 1xNude) £19.99.
For shapely arms in seconds. Lightweight 4-way stretch. Get firmer-looking arms instantly!

Staydry Windproof Umbrella. (Get 2nd for £1) £9.99.
Vented to let the wind pass through. Scientifically designed NOT to blow inside out. Comfortable ergonomic handle. Leopard, purple, red, polka dot, etc…

Zero Gravity Garden Recliner. £39.99.
Zero gravity – so comfy it’s like floating in space. Inspired by the seating designed for astronauts. (…wake-me-up-at-teatime mode, and then locks securely in place.)

Stainless Steel Wallet. Was £29.99 – £19.99.
Woven from micro-fine threads of stainless steel. Could this be the toughest wallet in the world? (…feeling like satin to the touch.)

Seat Savers. (Armchair) £9.99.
Eliminate sagging in seats and sofas. Your sofa feeling tired and limp? A snug fit – ‘Just like new’ firmness.

Radio Controlled Talking Watch. Was £59.99 – £29.99.
Accurate to one second in 138,000,000 years. Radio controlled Multiband Atomic Watch. Speaks the time and date at the touch of a button. Genuine leather strap.

Reversible Throw with Armrest Organiser. £19.99.
Protect furniture and keep essentials close by. Smart in both senses of the word. It’s like having two throws for the price of one.

Leaf-covered Expanding Trellis. Was £24.99 – £19.99.
Faux-ivy fencing expands 2m wide for natural privacy. At end of season fold away and store until next year.

Reversible Furniture Protector. (Armchair) £14.99.
Shrugs off spills and stains, mud, scuffs, marks and dirt. Wine on one side and camel on the other – like having two covers in one!

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in advertising, brain, design, humour, information, physics, poetry, reading, science, serendipity, style, surrealism, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to 1xWhite, 1xBlack, 1xNude, and Faux-ivy, etc…

  1. i am getting the urge to get them. the umbrellas sound good.in fact they all sound good.

  2. Jheron Bash says:

    Marvellous! Must get me some slim sleeves. And maybe a zero gravity garden recliner. Wake me up at teatime!

  3. Regarding the stay dry umbrella, the song “There’s a hold in bucket dear, Liza, dear Liza…” popped into my head quite randomly! Also the Reversible Furniture Protector – I imagine having a camel sitting on it might also be a preventative measure against spills – their gangly legs do take up so much room…..

  4. I feel I’m in the presence of true art. I mean it.

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