Keeping in touch…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s carefully selected adjectives are: rusty, coseismal, lozenged, sebiferous, loxodromic, scruffy, and labelloid.

‘Hello?… Oh hello! Sorry I was a bit slow in answering, I was outside in muddy wellingtons. I’ve not heard from you in ages – what are you up to, and how are you?’
‘Oh, I’m fine, and so are Cuthbert and the girls – and how are you, what have you been doing with yourself?’
‘Well, I’m currently toying with the idea of buying a new guitar.’
Another guitar! Oh, you do throw your money around – mind you I should talk, I’ve just bought a very expensive, but marvellous book on the Italian Renaissance.’
‘Oh dear, did Cuthbert approve? Ho ho ho!… So anyway, really I fancy a Fender, perhaps a nicely coloured Stratocaster…’
‘You know those Renaissance chaps really knew how to use their colour, did you know that in fresco painting the colour is applied whilst the wall plaster is still moist, you see it makes it…’
‘But then again, I was thinking about a Gibson – you can’t beat the rich full tone of the humbucking pickup, or the P90 – the creamy sound of the Les Paul Goldtop!’
‘Of course gold leaf was generally used more in Medieval times, and of course to great effect in ikon paintings, but changing the subject, are you familiar with the symbolism and allegorical references in Botticelli’s Primavera? It seems what he was trying to get across was…’
‘But then, the clear spiky tones of the Fender Telecaster are unmistakable, and they cut through the other instruments in the band like a knife through warm butter – are you familiar with the Telecaster? It is very stylish and elegant…’
‘Speaking of elegance, I was looking at the work of Jacopo Pontormo yesterday, mind you, he’s more your Mannerist than a Renaissance painter isn’t he?’
‘Paintwork, that reminds me of a chap I once knew who scraped all the varnish off the front of his brand new, and quite expensive Gibson acoustic thinking that it would make the sound of it louder and more powerful…’
‘Yes, yes, powerful! The confidence with which Michelangelo used chiaroscuro, and also the way he introduced contraposto into his sculptural work and…’
‘Of course it’s no good discussing the merits of various electric guitars, without talking into account the amplification used, and also the…’
‘Just look at Leonardo’s drawings of dead people’s insides and those intricate…’
‘…the acoustic properties of the room in which you are playing the instrument, the reverberation time and the…’
‘Have you ever been inside the Sistine Chapel? I mean, you have not lived until you have stood there…’
‘In front of a Marshall stack with a Gibson SG Standard from the 1960s plugged into it, full on…’
‘Ah, Raphael would have been dead forty years by the 1560s – what do you think of Donatello? He was still around then…’
Danelectro? Oh yes, nice guitars, not expensive, but a very distinctive crisp tone, I have never had one of those, perhaps I should get one? Yes, that’s a good idea, I’ll…’
‘Oh, hang on, I just heard Cuthbert drive up and bump the garage doors…’
The Doors? Yes, but they were known more for their fine keyboard playing, however…’
‘Yes, Cuthbert has just picked up those two hungry girls Clementine and Ruby from school – look, it’s been great chatting, we should really do this more often.’
‘Yes, it has, do call again soon, it’s been fun.. Bye…’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in art, conversation, guitars, humour, information, music, people, sculpture, surrealism, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Keeping in touch…

  1. I may split my sides laughing at this.

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