Doom and the black marker…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s colours are: rhubarb red, periwinkle blue, vulgar violet, morbid mauve, yelling yellow, and gnarled green.

I rarely watch the local news on the TV, I find it a bit parochial, but as I was flicking channels yesterday evening I spotted that they were showing a photograph of a face that was familiar to me, it was in black and white, was grinning, and had staring mad eyes. Yes, sure enough, there he was, it was Simon Doom, poet from the glory days of the Hull Surrealist League.
The newsreader said that Doom had been taken into custody in the early hours of the previous morning, he was allegedly roaring drunk and was being generally loud and abusive in the city centre – nothing unusual there for Dulltown city centre, but what caught the eye of the constables was that he was writing something on the pale stone of the Corinthian columns of the Dulltown City Hall using a thick black marker pen. It later turned out that was writing out the verses of a spoem (‘spoof poem’) in protest at the rejection of his application for funding for a surrealist poetry event during the forthcoming Dulltown UK City of Culture 2017.
When asked by the magistrate why he had written on the pillars of the City Hall he looked very surprised and then replied with a grin that he must have been slighlty confused at the time and he thought that it was actually the Guildhall, ‘Where all those ****ing arts administrators hang out Your Honour…’
Doom phoned me this morning and insisted on dictating his spoem to me so that, now that it had been scrubbed off the pillars, I could share it online, ‘…where, somewhere in this bloody world, somebody, might appreciate it!…’

Fleng stidge wallum taik fonnig banjo,
Mimberdahl fam-fam gorpe thethno!
Yammalow wallum speekapat mulk,
Arts administrator bastards!
Ninnsie scince nemtag oozette…

Fleng pocker-pocker munk tarpie banjo,
Bubbuh pimso mattle gorpe onedo!
Chooda mogda bigna podger aps,
Arts administrator bastards!
Terreal abstrung melladiddle…

Fleng amalapet jook planck-bob banjo,
Shoo-a-daggy dommit mithgorp gom!
Kydra opdrome quelm-sut bendu,
Arts administrator bastards!
Urumba zib-zib yollidge trenterly…

Fleng gorpe, fleng gorpe, fleng gorpe, banjo,
Tokamak bolbill zoid gorpe tupner!
Voot collum feddle whud semptation,
Arts administrator bastards!
Abstrang zoid abstrang zoid abstrang zoid…

Speldix zoltz pygsta pheg banjo,
Whird boin stackle gorpe ptomtot!
Abbabib poishy pundrol secker-secker,
Arts administrator bastards!
Stanker stanker stanker ovenile chull!

Simon Doom 2016.

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in art, brain, colours, composition, drama, Dulltown, Hull.UK., humour, mind, money, surrealism, swearing, words, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Doom and the black marker…

  1. Hmm, quite a character is your friend Mr Doom! It took me a while to get through this, but I think I got the gist of it……

  2. Dulltown eh? Well, that could well fit in to a lot of places on a bad day. You popped in on my blog, so I took the liberty of stumbling into yours. I have a lot of sunshinebloggers around me, thank heavens,but I think I could like one with poems that are beyond my comprehension and a somewhat different line of thinking. Thank you for some interesting reading!!!

  3. ktz2 says:

    fleng, fleng, fleng, fleng & fleng.
    (p.s. speldix)

  4. ktz2 says:

    Hey Dave – this thing seems like it would be right up your alley, if you haven’t yet seen this somewhere.

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