Some parts of an overheard and misheard cafe conversation…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s china teapot is the one shaped like the House of Lords. (H of L)

So, I was sitting in the cafe late yesterday afternoon with my little notebook and pen on the table in front of me; I was thinking that I should be writing something interesting and witty to go in these pages of mine. Unfortunately I was completely un-mused, and nothing pithy was springing to mind. I decided to just listen to the hubbub of the room and write down yet another edition of my Snatches of Overheard and Misheard Cafe Conversation; it’s always a good stand-by when I have no ideas bubbling. I picked up my book and pen, had a gulp of very nice green tea, and made my ears receptive.
Unfortunately the cafe was unusually empty and the only conversation I could make out over the general sounds and the music from the loudspeakers was that from a couple of people hunched over a nearby table.
So, today’s post will feature slightly blurred fragments from a single conversation – gosh, I hope that they don’t happen to come across this online…

Sarah was all over me! – menial fresh meat – to Mike, the sixteenth guy! – that’s where you broke if off? – you are a stronger person now – tell me your offer, from now on – I don’t want somebody else! – it’s all over Facebook now! – it’s alright you laughing! – a lot of pressure off your mind – any mad gorgeous?… – I do think I like him more than do know – easy arms? – furry nuff! – some people have got a grinder! – idiots I have to deal… – I must show you them anyway – yes, I do know about hell! – a tall one? – no, no, no! – he lived, worked, level… – are you afraid? – I like that! – anyway black and white, two strand! – a farm, on a date? I’d try it – I need a clear head, my mobile’s ringing – it’s Gordon – Danny, it’s all my numbers – to go down first?… – mud fight nun? – but I know, I know! – hang on, no sane message – everyone has dark curtains – peak time number? – I want real life now! – your friend on water, he’s nice! – John, see, watch it together! – I’m not into Turkish – oh, you want to go here? – he used another friend – stupid job, we are fun people! – I think with a remnant Tony – Morris who? I love it all! – where was you then? – then Karl came in with a bottle – then with that I beamed off – I don’t trust anyone! – you are not there! – I wanna conifer, me and you – keep the peas, make sure, you know? – gonna be hard now – you lot, do you know what? – a landscape? – I do trust miners – a real good laugh – we don’t involve, me or Cathy – Facebook, loads-a-times I feel close… – blah blah, was interested in frenzy – I’m not that kind – I’ll not give up my tank – how old I was! – I was eggs up! – I know, ho ho ho…


About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
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6 Responses to Some parts of an overheard and misheard cafe conversation…

  1. Dana Doran says:

    male or female, one of each or ? I think it’s very funny, providing it was two men, dressed in tuxedos hunched over that table sharing a latte—and by sharing I mean to say that they obviously passed it back and forth between them alternating sipping… that’s an interesting conversation!

    • Dave Whatt says:

      Well they were one male and one female, I think the chap was gay judging by his snatches of conversation, and they had individual drinks as far as I could see – I tend to try to not look at people whose conversations I am jotting down… No tuxes visible though… Ho ho…

  2. ktz2 says:

    This is great, so many little bubbles of (likely) wonderfully misheard things. It reminds me of the random words on magnets that you can arrange for weirdness. Once I found just 3 together, lost on the ground–‘remember detonate yellow’
    And today someone in conversation passing me on the street said ‘you know, I’m ambidextrous’. How often does that come up, to tell someone. .

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