“A quick dip will be almost as effective…”

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s elephant in the room is the one annoying everyone by trumpeting along with music on his headphones.

This is one of the more interesting ones from my collection of cheap old junk shop books; it’s The 1954 Gadgets Annual; specially compiled by W. N. Shaw from features published in the Gadgets Magazine. Here’s a snap of the title page dear reader:

DSCN39001954 – those were that days when money was short and people mended things instead of throwing them away as we do today; they also devised and constructed useful items for the home, garden and workshop. Here are few items picked at random from these crumbling yellowed pages: A Modified Coat Hanger, Long-Seam Soldering Simplified, Repairing Cracked Linoleum, A Magnetised Hammer-Head for Handy Nails, Restore Lustre to Necklaces and Bangles, Rejuvenate Dry Paste. etc.

‘Yes dear?’
‘I was just looking in my current Gadgets Magazine, and…’
‘I thought we’d agreed that you’d stop buying that silly thing Albert!’
‘…and as Christmas is approaching…’
‘Yes Madge dear, I’ll bet you didn’t know that cotton-wool snow, you know, that we have around the Christmas tree, and on the mantelpiece with the cards, can be highly inflammable!’
‘Yes, and if it were to…’
‘Perhaps we won’t have any cotton-wool snow this year, it doesn’t look that convincing anyway and…’
‘Ah, but all is not lost – the magazine has a solution, and a solution –  see Madge, I made a small joke there…’
‘Do we have any Ammonium Sulphate in the house?’
‘I shouldn’t think so.’
‘We don’t need much… how about some Ammonium Carbonate? We only want three grams of that…’
‘Is this your little joke Albert?’
‘No dear, my joke was a pun on the word ‘solution’.’
‘I don’t think it was a pun Albert…’
‘Oh?… What was it then?’
‘I don’t know, how about a cup of tea?’
‘Right ho… I’m parched…’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in archeology, books, conversation, history, humour, information, instruction, joke, learning, reading, science, serendipity, surrealism and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to “A quick dip will be almost as effective…”

  1. Albert is adorable – always so earnest. Shame on Madge for not giving him his little moment of humour! Also I wonder if people ever did go to such lengths for making fireproof cotton wool snow…..?

  2. Dana Doran says:

    I got stuck on the line…when money was short and people mended things…… To be safe, I won’t be lighting the tiny wax candles on the genuine fresh cut (according to the local news there’s a tree shortage in the green state of Washington this year, so prices are up by 40%) noble fir. Perhaps we shouldn’t be importing them?

  3. Dana Doran says:

    Ho ho…a plastic fantastic made in CHina prewired plug n play tree? Not yet.

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