Ugg, Lugg, and the mud…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s honoured guests are the Kin Jong-un lookalike twins Maureen and Stanley Thang. Goodness me, you do look unusually stern today – come on in and sit on the sofa with us.
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‘Ugg… Ugg!…’
‘Eh?’
‘Come on, you great fat slug! Get up!’
‘Oh, hello Lugg, what’s up? Why are you shouting at me?’
‘Move yourself! We’re all going down to Nugg’s cave – he got a bison yesterday – we’ve got to get it disembowelled and chopped up before it starts to go off.’
‘Oh, you know I hate all that sort of thing Lugg, it’s so messy and smelly, especially first thing in the morning.’
‘Come on! Get your nice flint axe out…’
‘But it makes me feel queasy, can’t you go on your own, and tell the lads I’m a bit tired?’
‘I’m not surprised you’re tired, you were out half the night!’
‘No I wasn’t…’
‘Yes you were! What were you doing? Were you off with that Snugg woman again?’
‘No, that’s all finished with now – anyway Lugg, you promised you wouldn’t mention her again!… Lugg…’
‘What?’
‘Do you remember when there were lots of spotted antelopes?’
‘No Ugg, there have never been spotted antelopes!’
‘Yes, there have!’
‘Rubbish! Have you seen any?’
‘No…’
‘Well then!… And another thing, why have you been sneaking out in the night with burnt sticks and mud?’
‘I haven’t…’
‘I’ve seen you!’
‘But they’re only some old sticks and a bit of mud, there’s no harm in that… anyway, about these spotted antelopes Lugg.’
‘There are no such things!’
‘Zugg’s dad Thugg saw them… Zugg told me…’
‘And who is Zugg when he’s at home?’
‘That old chap, last cave before the swamp.’
‘Oh him, he’s gone doddery, talks rubbish, he once told me he saw the sun go dark in the daytime… Idiot!…’
‘Oh? That’s interesting…’
‘No it isn’t – he’s got a pebble loose… So, what about Nugg’s bison Ugg? It’ll be starting to stink soon and…’
‘I was chatting to old Zugg last night, he was telling me what his dad told him before he died…’
‘Why?…’
‘Well, er…’
‘No good will come of it Ugg, come on let’s go disembowelling!’
‘Thugg saw spotted antelopes when he was young – and then there’s that thing about the dark sun that you mentioned…’
‘So what?’
‘I’m recording all things like that.’
“Recording’? What does that mean?’
‘That’s what the burnt sticks, and the soot, and the red mud is for – I’ve been drawing them on the wall of the Deepcave.’
‘The Deepcave? Nobody goes in there Ugg, it’s creepy, and it’s er, deep…’
‘Well yes, but now all this interesting stuff from the past is there, for the future…’
‘The future?… What’s that?…’
‘Well, Lugg…’

And so, ‘history’ was invented…

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in archeology, brain, conversation, drama, history, humour, learning, surrealism, thinking, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Ugg, Lugg, and the mud…

  1. Oooh Cavemen stories! Love it 🙂

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