A visit by Stella the tightwad…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s architectural term is Nailhead. An Early English architectural enrichment consisting of small pyramids repeated as a band – a decorative moulding. (N)
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OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAField Theory. 1994. Pastel on paper probably about 24″ x 18″.

‘Oh hello Stella my dear – you’re early.’
‘Oh? What time was I supposed to be coming?’
‘Well, you usually come round about…’
‘Well, as there is no fixed time for these dreary visits to look at your work, I can’t be late, can I?’
‘Well I suppose…’
‘Get the kettle on, I want a very large cup of tea, Taylors of Harrogate Yorkshire Tea of course – what have you in the way of confectionery today?’
‘I did have some chocolate chip Maryland Cookies, but I have eaten them all.’
‘What!…’
‘Only kidding, I know that they’re your favourites, here, open the packet yourself, use one of your claws… By the way, I didn’t see you on Friday…’
‘Friday?… Why would you?’
‘I thought you might have come to our Rialtos gig at the Kardomah… you know, given us a bit of support…’
‘Oh David, it was £6 to get in – that’s far too much!… So, how did it go?’
‘It went very well, but I played like a fumbling idiot.’
‘Good… This tea is very nice, so, what’s this pastel drawing all about David?’
‘Well, it’s called Field…’
‘It’s horribly bright, I’ll bet you used all the pastels in the box on this one, except the brown and grey ones…’
‘Oh there is a little brown in there somewhere – my word Stella, you are getting through those cookies at a rate of knots!’
‘Mm… yes… they are surprisingly good… I can see where you are coming from here David.’
“Where I’m coming from” Stella?…’
‘Yes, you are back on your usual theme.’
‘Oh, I didn’t know I had a “theme” my dear – leave a couple of those cookies for me would you?’
‘Yes, you have, you are always trotting out landscapes, nature, the environment, with some unnaturally shaped human thing imposed upon it – this is another of them…. You say you played your guitar like an idiot?’
‘Yes, I did…’
‘Why?’
‘Circumstances…’
‘Hm… These things look like lengths of plastic pipe, lying discarded in a field of funny spiky grass… It’s as if the poisonous colour has leached out of the plastic into the soil, and coloured the…’
‘Maybe that’s what they are Stella, just plastic pipes…’
‘What I’m looking for is…’
‘More biscuits?’
‘No, I’m looking for what this work is about, what these pipes, if they are pipes, symbolise? I see that the middle one is the thinnest – are you playing with perspective here?’
‘Maybe they don’t symbolise anything Stella.’
‘Well, you drew the bloody things!… By the way, what did you mean by “circumstances”?’
‘Eh?’
‘Guitar playing.’
‘Oh, it’s difficult to get it to flow if you can’t actually hear clearly the notes you are playing…’
‘Why the title “Field Theory”? Sounds like you had just been reading some ‘popular science’ book.’
‘Actually, I seem to remember that I had been reading a science book, you see Field Theory is…’
‘Meaningless though this work is David, I do like the messy troubled sky with the silly yellow and white stripes, and those impending threatening gusts…’
“Impending gusts” eh?… Thank you my dear…’
‘Do you know, I rather fancy another mug of tea…’
‘Mm, right ho… These cookies aren’t bad are they? – Thank you for leaving me one…’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
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6 Responses to A visit by Stella the tightwad…

  1. luke610 says:

    I think you ‘doctored’ those cookies … (eveel laugh) … I’m seeing a rock concert, with the stage in the background, it kinda looked like that when I went to see U2 Lemon tour in South Africa back in the Nineties. Or them blue, red and yellow rolls could be a skewed perspective on the romanian flag … better still, Blackpool rock. Yeah, I think I’ll settle for Blackpool rock – yum. And cookies.

    • Dave Whatt says:

      Well, funnily enough, at the gig mentioned we had some of my drawings projected on a screen behind us as we played – this might well have been one of them. Thank you Luke610.

      • luke610 says:

        Bloody hell … you can’t be serious?! So, you is ‘like’ famous and stuff 🙂 … it was a good concert that.

      • Dave Whatt says:

        No no, not famous at all.
        The venue was quite small, (150 people) and so was the screen behind the band that my drawings were projected on.

  2. Oh this is SO lovely! Very vibrant and 3D-ish (yes I know its called shading, but still…) The texture really gives it depth. Looks like someone was doing some plein air pastel painting and dropped a few in the grass. Which is along the lines of what Stella said, but she said pipes, not pastels. She should stop dunking so much and pay more attention! 😀

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