Mayonnaise on the streets…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s architectural term is wind-brace – in a roof, a short, usually arched, brace connecting the purlin with the principal rafter and the wall plate, and fixed against the rafters.
Good, I’m glad we have that finally sorted out, it has been puzzling me for years.

I happened to have the BBC news on the TV last night and noticed that they were showing some live footage of a large anti-Trump demonstration and march on the streets of London. People were holding up banners, Trump effigies, and placards, doing some chanting and singing, and they were shouting out what they thought of the new president using colourful language. Someone in the middle of the bobbing throng stood out, he was struggling to hold up a big white floppy cardboard sign with roughly painted black lettering on it. Its message was rather puzzling – in capital letters it said, ‘Gum Blanket Slide Ball Accountancy!’, I couldn’t imagine what that might mean.
The jumping goggle-eyed figure waving it at the TV cameras seemed vaguely familiar to me – yes, he looked rather like Tony Mayonnaise, poet from the glory days of the Hull Surrealist League.
Yes, it was him, very early this morning he phoned me up shouting, ‘Did you see me on the TV?… Dave, did you?…’ His voice was hoarse with shouting and slurred with the effects of alcohol. He said that he was Surrealism Against Trump, and insisted that he would dictate his latest spoem (spoof poem) to me, so that I could carefully write it down, and share it with the world, on these pages:

Banana tong-roof Jacaranda bug,
Frost dial cormorant Dorothy-boat,
Time tripe fog-barn tethers…
Flamingo date barnacle showboat pith!
Dagger dagger dagger dagger foot.

Telephony damp chain-link success,
Semaphore toastie block-moon esplanade,
Gum blanket slide ball accountancy…
Molecular crab-joint repulsion sop!
Jogger jogger jogger jogger toot.

Bloated dalliance mortar sock-rebate,
Solder bone dandelion tube enchantment,
Climbing suck motorised rock disciple…
Ox dimple chutney-bow eccentricity!
Mugger mugger mugger mugger boot.

Box medallion duplicity crunch-date,
Gymnast softy boom collar assortment,
Granite forecastle dandy-cake hubbub…
Jericho pock oblong scent butter!
Logger logger logger logger soot.

Tony Mayonnaise. 2017.

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in advertising, architecture, composition, Hull.UK., poetry, serendipity, surrealism, TV, words, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Mayonnaise on the streets…

  1. luke610 says:

    Ya see. ‘I happened to have the BBC news on the TV last night …’ therein lies the problem. It all goes tits up from there. I am in two-minds about the spoem, I need time to digest it … some of it reminded me of the scatting mis-matched spoemtry of Beck on ‘(I’m a) Loser’

  2. Got to love a bit of Mayonnaise on the TV, eh? He gets around a bit doesn’t he…although I’m surprised he took part in a “Trumperica” march – but then its a smart way of getting exposure for his spoems. I do rather like this line “Ox dimple chutney-bow eccentricity!” as well. 😀

  3. Dana Doran says:

    It occurs to me, Mr. Mayonnaise was demonstrating the obvious! (….his spoem juxtaposed against a protest objecting to the President of a foreign country). So,

  4. Shammy says:

    Bloated dalliance….. very Trumpy.

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