Some more Crush characters…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s Raymond Chandler quotation is from his 1943 novel The High Window:
A tall, fine-looking man in a grey suit cut by an angel suddenly stood up from a small table by the wall and walked over to the bar and started to curse out one of the barmen. He cursed him in a loud clear voice for a long minute, calling him about nine names that are not usually mentioned by tall, fine-looking men in well-cut grey suits. Everybody stopped talking and looked at him quietly. His voice cut through the muted rumba music like a shovel through snow.

A wispy airmail letter flopped through the letterbox and skated across the floor this morning, it was from Veronica Crush, writer from the glory days of the Hull Surrealist League, now living in New York with tall tree surgeon, and heir to a multimillion dollar fortune, Monty Tick. I was hoping it was another of her ‘stories’ like the one I posted for you a few days ago (click), but no, it wasn’t, it was a list of possible character names for her ongoing work. On an enclosed, wrinkled, but gaudy postcard showing the Golden Gate Bridge at sunset in the 1950s she said that she enjoys making up names a lot more than she likes writing her tales; so she tends to accumulate quite a lot of spare ones that she will probably never get around to using. She said that if I, or anyone at all, could find a home for them we could use them free of charge.
(I do like the phrase ‘free of charge’ rather than the very popular, but quite ugly, ‘for free’.)

Debra Chickener.
Bad Barry Brood.
Francine Metal.
Byron L. Slutt.
Virginia Mock-Stupor.
Cloris Hippler.
T.C. Teazey.
Violet Rampart Tusk.
Lord Dample of Mems.
Rocky-Joe Schlopke.
Queenie Fishgo.
Bartholomew Dance-Packet.
Fletcher Fetcher.
The Honourable Miles Smiles.
Captain Horace Jollyboat RN (Ret.)
Zoe-Mo Slice.
Margaret Jayne Thaddle.
Sir Clive Pugg-Gallop.
T. Brad Didmo.
Bertie Stickpyke-Ums.
Clementine Pulse.

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
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13 Responses to Some more Crush characters…

  1. “Bartholomew Dance-Packet”…..!!! Oh I chuckled at that one! I’d like that one, please, Veronica. No idea how I will bring him to life, but I will try in some form! πŸ˜€

    • Dave Whatt says:

      So, dear Scribbler, what does he look like?

      • Well I’m thinking coiffured hair, thin snooty unsmiling face, very long limbs and gaudy shoes. Very slender, and walks with a high lift to his feet like he is stepping over large obstacles. He would appreciate a decorated walking stick, like he saw in an old Ethnic shop down the road, but was out of his budget. He feels like it would add some elegance to his gait. He has a pocket watch, of course, but its broken and belonged to his cousins friends father in law, ( the one who went to Iceland for a job interview to work on a cherry picker. He didn’t realise what a cherry picker was and and actually thought it was a mechanical device to pluck cherries from trees. Quite how he thought cherry trees could possibly survive in Iceland is beyond me, but anyway…) and thats all I have until I get some coffee and see what wonderous thing Ms May is going to announce. πŸ˜€

      • Dave Whatt says:

        But… but… but… You are describing me dear Scribbler… Ho ho! Thank you!

      • Oh dear, Bart…..sorry, Dave! Must have been subliminal or something! πŸ˜€

      • Dave Whatt says:

        Tee hee!…
        How are you feeling? Better I hope…

      • Hmm, I have the cough of a 60 a day smoker, but I’m more alert today instead of all fuzzy headed, so I’m thinking thats a good sign? Thank you πŸ˜€

      • Dave Whatt says:

        That is a good sign – my neighbour seems to have the same thing.
        Be alert – Britain needs lerts! I once saw that written on a wall.

      • I’m alright becoming a Lert, but I don’t always stay in that form. I would be no use to Britain *sigh*

  2. ktz2 says:

    It makes me sad that even with his shining talent, Raymond was an unhappy tortured soul. It’s said that he was quite psychologically damaged when young and never really had any friends his whole life, a shame.

    • Dave Whatt says:

      I didn’t know that. I recall that he did like a drink or two too.
      Perhaps he wouldn’t have been as good a writer had he been happy (a rather obvious thing to say I suppose.) One probably needs a bit of misery to sharpen up one’s irony…

  3. David Manley says:

    On my recent travels across Europe I’m sure I spotted several of these characters…Rocky-Joe Schlopke was having a crafty fag in the gents on the Dover-Calais ferry whilst I’m certain I spotted Sir Clive Pugg-Gallop and Clementine Pulse in a romantic tete-a-tete in La Bonne Auberge at Ardres, “across a crowded room”, as they say. And I’m equally convinced Bertie Stickpyke-Ums was to be seen striding across the vine strewn hillside in Northern Tuscany at twilight! Pip pip!

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