Mayonnaise on the steps…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s ancient Egyptian deity, a woman in the guise of a panther is the Goddess Mafdet; her role is protector against snakes and scorpions. (Mafdet)

It was Sunday evening, I was walking in a light drizzle along by the main road which leads to the city centre. As I passed a building set back from the pavement I noticed that it had its front doors open and the lights were glowing inside. Suddenly a voice shouted out from the shadows by the front door, ‘Hey!… Dave!… How about a hot beverage and some nice biscuits?’
Standing grinning, cigarette in hand, on the steps of the small church was Tony Mayonnaise, poet from the glory days of the Hull Surrealist League. He waved me over and added, ‘You can get free coffee and stuff here, do you want a cup?’
I declined his kind offer and then inquired if he had, after all these years, suddenly found God.
‘Hell no,’ he said, ‘but they are all really friendly and nice here, I do drop in occasionally for a free coffee.’
‘Do you attend the services?’ I asked.
‘No, I’ve managed to avoid that so far, I get away with it because for some reason they think I’m, a bit strange.’
‘No! Really?…’ I said.
He smirked, ‘They’ve just discovered that I am a poet, and they’ve asked me to address the throng tonight, they said that I can share anything that is troubling me, and all will be peace and harmony in the Lord…’
‘God help ’em!’ I said.
He took a crumpled piece of paper out of his trouser pocket, it was the spoem (spoof poem) that would be his text for a part of the evening service…

Mullamo styke retz-retz omallum,
Tanty-bob skurpit-tipruks cheff cheff!
Arganod gupla tettimode fids donagra.
Mirraman, mirra-me, mirraman mirra-me.

Mandog chuffler quirnish ob godnam,
Kuthie ux obloot-toolbo bloot zoin!
Ferrit tallix wooma-wooma duk tirref.
Mirraman mirra-me, mirraman mirra-me.

Skullop doig fepster hoat-tox polluks,
Xylash doo osipug-gupiso nobblopot!
Zobado ufferlogue panzi vovo odaboz.
Mirraman mirra-me, mirraman mirra-me.

Gibslot gardenza pynkoil deestep tolsbig,
Retz-retz topskool-lookspot cannerandi!
Yottaid stackta fimation gublid diattoy.
Mirraman mirra-me, mirraman mirra-me.

Tony Mayonnaise 2017.



About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in archeology, brain, composition, cool, history, humour, magic, mind, poetry, puzzle, religion, serendipity, style, surrealism, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Mayonnaise on the steps…

  1. Well….makes a change from a gospel choir, I’ll say that, ha!

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