The forensic time fillers…

But first…
Dulltown,UK: Today’s dictionary words are: cooee, coomb, coontie, copple, copula, coquelicot, and bufflehead. Please have these words looked up and placed in suitable sentences ready for Professor Mouldie first thing after breakfast tomorrow morning. Should the professor turn for the lesson wearing a wispy ghost of Hamlet’s father costume and croaking through a tin megaphone you should allow this distract you from your studies.
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You have to be pretty bored and desperate to watch them I suppose…
I’m talking about those ‘real-life’ forensic detective things on the TV. There is, after you’ve shared the rapid (deliberately wobbly camera) montage of grisly blood-spattered crime-scenes – feet sticking out from under sheets, with the stern-faced cops, a reasonably uplifting ending where the spotlessly clean finger of science points unerringly to the ‘perp’ – they are Hands behind your back Buddy! arrested, and then tried for their crime – it’s that ‘goodness and logic triumphing over evil’ thing – it’s always been appealing hasn’t it?
Anyway, the other night, as I sat on the sofa, Telecaster electric guitar on lap, twanging quietly away, I thought that I would from time to time drop my plectrum, pick up a pen, and jot down the occasional phrase from the voice-over to share with you dear reader.
By the way, American police officers do seem to be an odd lot don’t they? Most seem to be overweight, if not portly, have bad skin, funny hair or shaved heads, outlandish names (both first and last), and the ones in the country regions all wear big hats indoors, even when sitting at their smart desks. Big hats… indoors? The only people I can think of who look anywhere near cool doing that are John Lee Hooker and Bo Diddley.

Spectacular coastlines – seriously hurt or killed – the spectacular view – rushed – horrified – five hundred feet – no way could have survived – then things happen – died in this manner – local police called – autopsy – foul play – a visit to the insurance company – much different from their account – the sequence of events – the photographs from the camera – on the victim’s left shoulder – a clearly visible shadow on the ground – investigators now suspect that – thirty-five-thousand dollars just the day before – he was in prison at the time – they thought that it was a pretty incredible story – prove it or disprove it – he was not a trained forensic pathologist – off to the lab for testing – gas chromatograph mass spectrometer – at least you wouldn’t be alert – but there was no way to prove it until – consistent with a struggle – they were shocked by what they found – tragedy after tragedy – denied signing it – it raised some red flags – then she changed the slant – arrested and charged – the Pythagorean Theorem – to enjoy it over and over again – an experienced con-artist over the years – fell into a spider’s web – died in jail – first degree murder…

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
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2 Responses to The forensic time fillers…

  1. Dana Doran says:

    I think you’ve stumbled across a clue….forensic time fillers! Ha! Of course, they are meant to convey the message that one cannot commit a murder and get away with it….forensic clues will be discovered leading to the identity of the perpetrator — every single time -you can’t get away with murder! (note, these shows have producers, directors, and yes, writers given credit – hum) On the other hand, the public cannot know this is a fiction…most murders are not solved. Take for instance the murder statistics for Chicago ( a really big city in the Midwest of the U.S.) – – – scroll down to the “Murder Clearance Rate” http://heyjackass.com/ You might also want to see the stats on “Shot-in-the-Junk o-meter”…. Relying on the fact that most murders are not solved, a young man (Seth Rich) that worked for the Democratic party and leaked documents to Wikileaks during Hillary’s campaign, was shot in the back in broad daylight in a ritzy district (Georgetown) of Washington D.C. Cameras everywhere but no one saw or heard a thing. Despite the fact that Julian Assange immediately offered a reward for information leading to an arrest, the police and the FBI didn’t put that together until just today when the FBI confirmed Seth Rich was the “leaker.” No mention of a suspect. Bwaaahaha. Don’t hate me. I’m experiencing a (hopefully) lack of inspiration to create art….ARGH.

    • Dave Whatt says:

      Well, I see these Forensic shows as instruction manuals for would-be murderers and bank robbers – every one of them tells you what not to do and what not to leave behind at the scene, eg: your name and address.
      I reckon it all started with those old high body count shows from years ago, you know, er… ‘Hamlet’, ‘Macbeth’, those cheap tawdry sensationalist things…
      “A lack of inspiration” – oh dear! I’m sure it will pass – Hey!… Go to a gallery, if there’s one nearby, and look at some good stuff… That usually gets me going…
      Or, have a look at the great stuff you have done yourself!… That should spark something.

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