Bossy Bates was the bully of the fourth…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s honoured guests are the Pope Francis lookalike twins Barbara and Maude Fush – do come on up and sit on your papal thrones, my word, I can smell the myrrh in your incense from here!…
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Yes, it’s time to open this well-read, badly defaced, and battered copy of Lion Annual 1956, another of my impulse-bought cheap junk shop books. I thought that today we could look at the contents page and the opening page of Guardian of the Secret Chimp – oh, I wish I could come up with such interesting titles for my pieces!

I say, you boys and girls, just look at that nice smart young man puffing away on his pipe at the bottom of page two – I think he must be one of the masters at a rather expensive posh school, don’t you? Oh, and look at all the grinning chaps enjoying dipping into a giant copy of this year’s Lion Annual – see, there are even some brown-skinned lads from our colonies there too – look at them smile – they seem to have completely come to terms with our invading their lands, taking their crops and minerals, and letting them work for subsistence rates in our plantations and factories – jolly good chaps!…

I must say there are some great story titles here: Captain Condor Fights the Space Pirates, Trapper Ken Foils the Fur Thief, Skyway Police for the Desert Sheik, The Downfall of Sammy the Sneak, Mighty Mabu Saves the Herd, and ‘Rajah’ Routs the Railroad Wreckers… By the way, perhaps you’d like another quick look at the rather classy and colourful front and back covers:


So, I wonder how Sandy Dean and his good pal Jack Hardy will get on after smuggling a chimp in a box into school? Hey, hang on! I don’t like the look of that Bossy Bates character – we’d better keep an eye on him!
‘Hello, hello! What’s cooking chaps?’
‘Stand by for a shock, Owl!’
‘J-jeepers! It’s…It’s a chimpanzee!’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in archeology, art, books, celebrities, drawing, history, humour, reading, school, surrealism and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Bossy Bates was the bully of the fourth…

  1. Dana Doran says:

    I’m not a fan of primates…circa 1980 my business was located in a light industrial area next to a Fed Ex station – they missed a connection for transporting a rhesus monkey and kept him overnight at their facility, but somehow the cage was left open. The next day, he found his way through a crawl space, broke through the drop-ceiling in our front office, chased screaming employees from the front offices to the roll up door in the back repeatedly (about 100 feet) swinging from the shoplights and rafters. Oh, did I tell you he had diarrhea? Lovely creature. So primate in a cage? Trouble, I tell you.

  2. ktz2 says:

    Hey. . get a couple of those generic not-funny comedic actors, and a girl and/or kid, and you have a movie !

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