What’s that little thing on your leg?…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s joke is the one about the two dead mice in the Chancellor of the Exchequer’s in-tray. Oh, how we guffawed and chortled into our cupped hands upstairs at No. 11 Downing Street…

I don’t usually go on about medical issues in these pages. I know some people love that sort of thing – look at the number of TV dramas that are set in vet’s or doctor’s offices, or in hospitals – and the number of ‘real-life’ running-down-pastel-shade-corridors-in-an-emergency-on-a-trolley-wobbly-hand-held-camera programmes you see – me, I don’t want to see people having their gallstones dealt with, or some clever birds-eye-view footage down, or up, someone’s very private tubes…
But, today dear reader, my subject is warts.
No, it’s alright, there will be nothing unpleasant or disgusting, do please read on:
I don’t generally get warts – in fact I’m not really sure what warts are. Yes, I know I could Google them – but I don’t want to… thank you…
Anyway, a week or two ago, it now being summer and the shorts wearing season, I spotted a small protuberance  on the side of my calf – oh look!, I said to myself, I think that’s a wart. Nothing to worry about of course, it didn’t look at all angry, or as if it was about to do something – it was just sitting there, like a ‘bump on a log’, as they say; but seeing it did make me think back to my childhood…
I seem to recall that once back then I had a visit from a wart, it appeared on the back of my right hand. The wise old ladies told me how to deal with it though, theirs was the traditional method, passed down from generation to generation, from old lady to youngster, for centuries.
What you do is:
You look at the calendar and find the next night with a full moon (Isn’t it great that calendars still show the phases of the moon? I suppose it’s useful for astronomers, burglars, smugglers, and secret agents.); on that night you stay up until (or get up just before) midnight and go outside – you locate the moon (hope it’s not cloudy!) and at the stroke of twelve o’clock you ‘wash’ the warty part (on that occasion my hand) in the pale rays of the beaming silvery moon for a few minutes, as one would wash in sparkling cool flowing water.
Within the month the wart will shrink and fade away, leaving no mark.
It worked for me back then – I might give it a try on my current one… Now, let’s have a look at the calendar…

Speaking of things astronomical, there’s apparently going to be a nice shower of meteors late tonight, Saturday 12th August 2017 – It’s the Perseids this time.

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
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11 Responses to What’s that little thing on your leg?…

  1. Jheron Bash says:

    I developed a wart on my lower eyelid. It slowly grew. Then it just fell off. I had some moles on my back. They can become cancerous, apparently. The nurse at the GP’s clinic destroyed them with liquid nitrogen. Amazing!

  2. Warts are not common with me, so I have no idea how to resolve such things. Skin tags, yes….just tie a piece of dental floss around it and it will fall off. There was a boy at school who suffered so badly from warts on his hands that he could barely move his fingers to write with. Poor lad, he got called all sorts of names. I do hope he is alright now. And I hope your little warty friend goes away very soon too. Also – good to know about the shooting stars tonight….although being in Scotland, no doubt it will be cloudy and I will have resort to looking at photos of the event online, as usual! Its been a full bright moon these past few nights though, so fingers crossed.

  3. Anna Deneau says:

    Warts are actually infections. You ever hear of human papillomavirus? It’s caused by a virus in that family, so… where has your leg been?

    • Dave Whatt says:

      Gosh! I didn’t know that.
      Papillomavirus! I thought that was an opera!
      Actually the thing seems to be shrinking already – just the threat of midnight moonlight must have done the trick!…

      • Anna Deneau says:

        I think I had my last wart as a child, but I guess you can pick them up relatively easily through minor contact. Harmless, of course. But the HPV relationship is… eh.

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