Brownlow and the professor receive a parcel…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s existential angst is centred around the sound of the word pamphlet.

‘Brownlow!… Brownlow! Where the hell are you?’
‘Oh, hello Professor, I was down in the basement dusting those rather cute canopic jars that the British Museum left with us. I thought that I’d just…’
‘In god’s name Brownlow!’
‘What sir?’
Were they dusty?…’
‘Oh, only a little bit sir.’
‘Well, considering the bloody things are three thousand years old I’m not surprised!… Now, look at this!…’
‘At what sir?’
‘This! This, bloody great parcel on my desk!’
‘Ah, a courier brought it for us this morning…’
‘Is that a mug of tea I see in your hand Brownlow?’
‘Er, yes sir, I…’
‘Where’s mine?’
‘Well, I didn’t think that you’d come in yet sir, and… I’ll get you one straight away.’
‘Hang on, hang on man, so what the hell is this ruddy thing plonked here, taking all the space up on my desk?’
‘Oh, it’ll be the mystery object from Dr Sputz in Düsseldorf, you agreed to give it a once-over… sir…’
‘Did I?… Is that a wedge of nice looking fruit cake you are trying to conceal behind your back Brownlow?’
‘Er, yes sir… I…’
‘Fruit cake from your Aunt Cissy perhaps? Fine upstanding woman, your Aunt Cissy!’
‘Well yes sir, but she only gave me the one piece, and…’
‘That’s alright Brownlow, just cut it in half, I can always manage a piece of your Aunt Cissy’s cake.’
‘Oh, right-ho sir.’
‘So, that idiot Sputz has sent me a present eh?’
‘Not a present sir, he just wants you to…’
‘Hm, it’s not very well wrapped up is it?’
‘He says it’s probably tenth century, it was found in a settlement discovered during excavations for a new office block on Schillingstrasse in the capital.’
‘Ah, fruit cake! Excellent!… This thing seems to be some sort of sleeveless garment, with an emblem carefully woven into the front… depicting a small beast… a heraldic device maybe?’
‘Oh, it looks like a rather bad drawing of a rat, or some kind of unpleasant pest, to me sir, perhaps something copied from an ancient family coat of arms?’
‘Possibly Brownlow, but not a rat I think… where the hell is that tea you were supposed to be getting me?’
‘Oh, sorry sir, here it is, I’ve left the bag in, just how you like it.’
‘It’s very good cake this! your Aunt Cissy must be a wizard in the kitchen – tell me, does she have mobile telephone communication at all? You could give me her number…’
‘Er… I, er, no sir, Aunt Cissy eschews cellular telephones.’
‘Hm, she eschews them, does she? Look here, the animal, this rodent, depicted on this tabard…’
‘Tabard sir?…’
‘Yes, tabard, it seems to be shown writhing about, as if in distress, as if under attack, the roots of this image are probably in some ancient folk tale – I see you’ve left a bit of your cake Brownlow, pass it over here, I’ll have it!’
‘Oh, yes, of course sir… Now about Dr Sputz – I’d better email him and tell him that the garment arrived safely, and that we’ll send a report on it as soon as we can. How shall I head the message now that we have the object identified?’
‘Oh, just say something simple and concise…’
‘Such as, Professor?’
‘How about, Concerning German Berlin squirming ermine vermin jerkin…?’
‘Don’t you think that might be just a little bit too wordy sir?’
‘Wordy? Not at all!… So, you say your Aunt Cissy has no cellular telephone?’
‘Yes… that’s right sir…’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in archeology, brain, conversation, drama, existentialism, food, Grumpiness, heraldry, history, humour, surrealism, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Brownlow and the professor receive a parcel…

  1. Sharon Mann says:

    Wonderful read this morning with my coffee! I love the Proessor and Brownlow. Happy day!

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