One or two shortish items…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s instruction is to unscrew the square inspection plate ‘X’ from the main trunk and stand it to one side; reach inside and carefully snip the green, blue, and black wires – you must not snip the two twisted red wires leading to the cheesecake compartment. Give the fins on the oscillator a brisk rub with an oily rag, and then pull the speaking tube from its clip at the side and whistle Yankee Doodle Dandy down it for as long as you think necessary.

Excuses for being late. No. 358.
I’m sorry I’m late, but someone handed me an interesting religious tract.

A single overheard remark:
‘I was putting my dormers on…’

‘What’s this package doing here?’
‘Oh, the Spanish man from up the road left here to be collected.’
‘Oh, so he’s the Barcelona parcel owner?’
‘The what?’
‘The Barcelona parcel owner.’
‘Yes, I suppose so…’

On the bus the other day there was a lady sitting to my right across the aisle, she was wearing a bright pink knitted woollen hat. The hat was loose-fitting and had a bumpy surface which caught the light unevenly. I was aware of it out of the corner of my eye – I felt as if a pink round face was staring at me – I occasionally looked across, but no, it wasn’t a face, it was just a hat. After a while I went across and demanded that she take the thing off and put it away in her bag. She readily agreed to my request, and said that lots of people had complained about it staring at them…

Yes, I’m thinking of changing my name to Lynn Oleum-Printz.

An observation in the cafe:
A very confident and loud-mouthed teenage lad with a posh voice, in the company of a group of coevals, seemed to be confused between astronomy and astrology. There was an embarrassed silence for a moment at their table – I smiled at his predicament…

Are you ready for an item of spam from my comments box dear reader? Here’s a nice one from someone called BryceH:
One way that one could increase your inhaling and get rid of snoring during the night is usually to suck in vapor for a lot of moments well before bed. Eating heavy steam can help to disintegrate your congestion, that may play an important function in eradicating your passages to enable you.
Well, thank you BryceH, I will certainly bear in mind what you have said. By the way, is ‘heavy steam’ the steam from heavy water? Do feel free to get in touch again, I can take any amount of your fascinating information.

A single overheard remark:
‘Metamorphosis – it’s about a bloke called Greg… who’s an insect…’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in cafe, conversation, cool, drama, dreaming, Dulltown, existentialism, fashion, Hull.UK., humour, information, instruction, observations, overheard, people, seeing, serendipity, smiling, style, surrealism, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to One or two shortish items…

  1. Sharon Mann says:

    My daily laugh out loud! Thanks Dave.

  2. ktz2 says:

    ‘suck in vapor for a lot of moments and eat heavy steam’…an especially amusing one as well as instructive.

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